Biography

My dear children bless you all.

Today I stand before you as your new spiritual leader, a lamb of God who has a direct line to several saints who can intercede on your behalf and cause miracles to happen.So, if you want benefice and/or prayers said on your behalf please feel free to contact me with a small fee.

I have found in all of my work with the sinners of this world that one thing drags them all down into the direst wickedness and iniquity - that my friend is the evil that is money. Yeah, verily I say unto thee - Rid yourself of all that weighs you down and takes you into the ways of the Devil, namely your money, and send it all to me so that I can dispose of it in a holy way.

I will also officiate, for a large fee, at Exorcisms, Marriages, Baptisms and Orgies.
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What they said about Paul's Poem "The Canonisation": "Tensile strength poetry!" Ricardo Reis, "touched by a stroke of genius" Sophie McKeand

"You rocked like a bastard!" Tony Walsh - later Tony sobered up and wrote "Sorry, typo - I meant you're off your bastard rocker !"

"Odd in a profound way. Profound in an odd way. Odd in an odd way. Way in a way way." Moxy Casimir

"He makes me look like a wimp!" Hunter S Thompson

"Odd, very odd indeed!" Alabaster DePlume

"I sometimes wonder what is in his head" Abi Idowu

"I loved your compering" Rachel Pantechnicon

"He may be a genius or an idiot, either way he's not staying at this school!" Paul's headmaster expelling him from school.

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AUDIO FILES
Here are two audio files of my poems. The first is "Doctor Curio" a studio recording with music provided by an American called Ron Caruana. The second, "The Policeman in my head", was recorded live at the Everyman Theatre in Liverpool. Click on a link to listen.

http://www.opticalbusstop.com/Poems/Audio/Dr_Curio.m3u
http://www.opticalbusstop.com/Poems/Audio/Policehead.m3u
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VIDEO FILES
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kd2-AvzI_lg

Samples

The Exorcist
(listen to Audio for mp3 version)

When I was young living with my mummy
People said that I was funny

When I was three and possessed by Satan
I turned nasty and I killed my matron

My head revolved 360 degrees
And I wore bright yellow dungarees

They called for a bible and they called for a priest
Because my soul was soiled and I was a beast

I ripped out hearts and was vicious and mean
But I was exorcised when I was fourteen

Devils, Goblins, witches and racks
Pentangles, circles, mass’s in black
By the power of the angels obey the devout
Go leave this sinner, out demons out!

Credo in unum deum…

I am now pure I am now good
I don’t like killing or spilling blood

I’m no longer one of the living dead
My dungarees are in the shed

So if you’re feeling funny, violent or mean
Want to pluck out an eye or bite a spleen

Don’t kill another person or suck another tongue
Remember me when I was young

And if your bad habits still persists
Call for me I’m the Exorcist

Here comes the Satanic message from our sponsor: Dneef a si norbzo eessoo

I’m a necromancer, a devil dancer, a cross between a leprechaun and Bengal Lancer

All poems are copyright of the originating author. Permission must be obtained before using or performing others' poems.

Last blog entry

Poor Escapologist

Posted on Wednesday 31st December 2008 1:45 pm

Poor Escapologist

 

He claimed to be the best

Said no rope or manacle or chain

could ever hold him.

 

He challenged to be

incarcerated

in any prison cell

as if mere walls and steel

were purely ethereal

to him

 

He laughed and was sanguine

in the face of every

deathly danger

 

Yesterday they nailed him

in a wooden box

and buried him 

two meters down

 

He won’t be coming

back from that

 

At least

I think

that’s what

the vicar meant. 

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