Today I stand before you as your new spiritual leader, a lamb of God who has a direct line to several saints who can intercede on your behalf and cause miracles to happen.So, if you want benefice and/or prayers said on your behalf please feel free to contact me with a small fee.
I have found in all of my work with the sinners of this world that one thing drags them all down into the direst wickedness and iniquity - that my friend is the evil that is money. Yeah, verily I say unto thee - Rid yourself of all that weighs you down and takes you into the ways of the Devil, namely your money, and send it all to me so that I can dispose of it in a holy way.
I will also officiate, for a large fee, at Exorcisms, Marriages, Baptisms and Orgies.
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What they said about Paul's Poem "The Canonisation": "Tensile strength poetry!" Ricardo Reis, "touched by a stroke of genius" Sophie McKeand
"You rocked like a bastard!" Tony Walsh - later Tony sobered up and wrote "Sorry, typo - I meant you're off your bastard rocker !"
"Odd in a profound way. Profound in an odd way. Odd in an odd way. Way in a way way." Moxy Casimir
"He makes me look like a wimp!" Hunter S Thompson
"Odd, very odd indeed!" Alabaster DePlume
"I sometimes wonder what is in his head" Abi Idowu
"I loved your compering" Rachel Pantechnicon
"He may be a genius or an idiot, either way he's not staying at this school!" Paul's headmaster expelling him from school.
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AUDIO FILES
Here are two audio files of my poems. The first is "Doctor Curio" a studio recording with music provided by an American called Ron Caruana. The second, "The Policeman in my head", was recorded live at the Everyman Theatre in Liverpool. Click on a link to listen.
When I was young living with my mummy
People said that I was funny
When I was three and possessed by Satan
I turned nasty and I killed my matron
My head revolved 360 degrees
And I wore bright yellow dungarees
They called for a bible and they called for a priest
Because my soul was soiled and I was a beast
I ripped out hearts and was vicious and mean
But I was exorcised when I was fourteen
Devils, Goblins, witches and racks
Pentangles, circles, mass’s in black
By the power of the angels obey the devout
Go leave this sinner, out demons out!
Credo in unum deum…
I am now pure I am now good
I don’t like killing or spilling blood
I’m no longer one of the living dead
My dungarees are in the shed
So if you’re feeling funny, violent or mean
Want to pluck out an eye or bite a spleen
Don’t kill another person or suck another tongue
Remember me when I was young
And if your bad habits still persists
Call for me I’m the Exorcist
Here comes the Satanic message from our sponsor: Dneef a si norbzo eessoo
I’m a necromancer, a devil dancer, a cross between a leprechaun and Bengal Lancer
All poems are copyright of the originating author. Permission must be obtained before using or performing others' poems.
Janet Ramsden
Thu 9th Oct 2008 08:47
Hi Paul,
Great new profile, but you'll have to do more than make me laugh to get my hard earned cash. ha ha.
love Janet.xx