(Sample: Chapter 4 Origin of Species)


When I saw the fox dancing
how will the struggle for existence
in a field of rabbits that act
in regard to variation
from the windows of a train
red flash a distance off

Can the principle of selection
from the quayside briefly
discussed in the last chapter
dolphins leaping waves at the
edge of sight apply under nature
I think we shall see that it can

If they ever came near I’d run
most efficiently not that they
would but let the endless number
of slight variations dive back
through oceans I couldn’t swim
individual differences round here

pigeon nests occurring in our
domestic productions squirrels
graywaving up a neighbour’s tree
what they’ve seen of the world
may be truly said you could draw

the whole organisation becomes in
some degree plastic on the back
of a stamp but the variability
is not directly produced by man
though I once saw an owl gliding
the thermals changing conditions

of life over Burton Road Let it also
be borne in mind something as I
walked home with my girl wouldn’t
live infinitely complex & close-fitting
the night sure as keys in the door
are the mutual relations of all

Hi Steven, I'm glad you have decided to put a poem up for review. I like the structure of this poem - the regurlarity seems to reflect the character's internal journey of discovery. I like the animal imagery and in particular the fox dancin - red flash, I particularly like the reference to the close fitting night and sureness of keys in the door.

Steven, perhaps you could explain the techniques you used to put this poem together, I'd be very interested to see what you did

What an interesting structure. I really like the elision, and the mirroring of images such as the rabbits with the key – a human object that also depends on slight variations for its function/existence. Something in the way you’ve incorporated quotes (probably) from Origin of the Species (or a text book referencing it – which seems more likely because it will then be a text that offers a slight variation on the original, and therefore an evolutionary perpetuation -- sorry, Steve, it’s ages since I read Darwin) reminds me of Marianne Moore’s method, although yours has a measure of the New Puritans about it. The graywaving squirrels and the leaping pod of dolphins, also visually ‘graywaving’ with the owl on a thermal and a pigeon nest ‘occuring in our domestic productions’ – pigeon and squirrel now intrinsically connected ecologically with humans than the dolphin and owl (all possibly grey?) -- and then there’s the nod to chaos theory in the owl ‘changing conditions’ – the inadvertent shifting of environmental factors that trigger climatic and evolutionary change. I like how the whole piece concludes, the ‘infinitely complex & close fitting’ interconnectivity and mortality which the intellect objectifies but the body owns. Well, Steve, that’s what it says to me! I also really like the way the sense, the meaning, seem to evaporate and then condense. As I said to you before, I find your poetry rather beautiful.

Oh dear. I shall cease commenting henceforth.

Sophie, I wrote as I found: details, intrinsic connections, are the things I see first in a work, they are the most important aspect of a poem, of anything. It's basically how I perceive the world -- I have a personality within the Asperger's spectrum, I'm 'wired' that way -- they are the most obvious elements. I am mesmerised by parts and have problems with the bigger picture. You're not the first person to find the way I see things problematic and I am sorry it has further disrupted your understanding of Steve's poem. We all come to poetry with our individual preferences and perceptions. Mine are genuine. But, yes, I think I should remain mum from now on.

Dear Moxy,
Please do not keep mum, I love to read your comments about people's poetry and sometimes I enjoy them as much and perhaps even more so than the initial poem. you are very wise and learned and whilst we may all find different elements in a poem that we either enjoy or loathe, we can all learn from being open to other people's points of view?

Daftie & Moxy -

The poem is littered with quotes from Darwin's Origin - actually from one of those Penguin 60's of a few years ago (I think - they were other publishers who did the same.)

I used them as sample, putting them into an old but moribund poem where they felt right. I like Moxy's analysis, I'll use all of that, thanks; but what works for me is that I see if it sounds interesting. What it's "about" is something I can discover later - so if someone can't work it out, then I hope they can enjoy the physical pleasure of the language at least. I very rarely know what I'm writing about until I've finished the poem.

I did consider cutting and pasting what came out of the original process, but thought that was probably one step too far. Avant garde techniques such as this need as much discipline as traditional verse forms, otherwise things just fly away from you.