Do your work (Like a good boy)

You left bits of sweat on my key
You stared into my face nightly
You wound me up tightly
And I uncoiled in a most frightfully way
My alarm was set at am
I awoke to the choking phlem
Of the world
The room so cold my toes had curled
And froze
I wore rags for clothes
Pleased street whores and hoes
I was that tacky
That untidy
That me
With the bitter throws of passion
Biting
A Fiancée futile
I gotta go to work
To pay for pathetic creases
In your shirt
To let you insert
The half hard flesh of hurt
It rolls on
Fat and thin
Lactating maniacs
Grin when they
Milk you
Dry, never
Lube, leather
They ask for it all
I recline under a shawl
Think of England
And end it all
Upside down with the thrashing
Throwing drowning screams
Of the hooked on chemical
Queens of the world
The stabbed and stirred
The interred by parents
The instilled defence
The negative sanction
still teasing
academic failure rebel
Easing of your soul
I can still hear the voices
Do your work do your work
Do your work do your work do your work

"...to pay for pathetic creases in your shirt".

Lots going on in this Peter! Wonderful imagery. I feel that the particular the theme, or themes rather, are multi-layered. If the subject is not known personally to you or someone very near to you then you have succeeded in mastering one of the subtle skills required for good poetry. Becoming your subject and showing at least a sympathy and sincere understanding, but in this case what feels like a total empathy is apparent.
Your unique iambic metre is again obvious and one cannot read your poems without your voice taking over the reading in a mind's ear.
A challenge would be to produce equally compelling material with a completely different style. Pentameter, tetrameter, Sonnett? Anything that disguises what you have to say. I find that I need to be conscious of how I write because I have an in built rhythm that is a comfort zone. Anything which detracts from this sometimes doesn't feel write but invariably it is when viewed from an outside perspective.
However, a wonderful poem once again. Emotional at least and thought stimulating at best.

Darren,

thank you very much for your suggestions and comments on this new poem.


'Iambic pentameter' I confess that I had no idea what this meant until I looked it up just now on wikipedia. I am a technician by profession and by passion and the whole idea of this pentameter thing I find appealing, its technical and I like that.

Yes, ill take up the challenge because I love challenges, and most problems are actually challenges

regarding the poem, well the I wrote this one was a continuation of the clock poem I wrote earlier today, I kinda of followed the theme of a clock face and that became a woman laid out on her back, the rest was a stream, probably plundered from kitchen sink films and the like. Im a fan of the 50-60s Kitchen sink stuff. The more austere the better.

I have a lot to learn and thats why its fun.

May I thnak you once again and ask, prey, Darren post a poem

Peter

I discovered the concrete dummy bombs of which you wrote, thank you for your stories too.