Oh jealousy

The friendship gasped as the lovers came
The tempered animal of man
Enters the room again
He sets the flaming scene
Of the flying fist feeling machine
Un-tethered the object of jealousy
As strong for her as her for me
Oh jealousy
you cursed cacophony!
tables and glass
The drinking class
Aghast
A stammering scrum
Stumbling fast
Headlong, the point of elostoplast
Spawning feelings amid half mast
Of hope
Who is loving who, exactly?
And jealousy so tangible
Such a steel emotion
Resilient piercing night skies
Bold through crystal in mobile eyes
Of phones
The text message stands stout
Brown ale
speak out, your lover has unfolded
The hope has scolded your senses
The false pretences that brought you here
Are transparent tells of feelings clear
To everyone
Oh jealousy you keep fit freak
You understander of feelings bleak
As you twist and turn the lining weak
Of stomachs tight and itching feet
To go
You wish to whisk her out
You hope the pouring spout
Of tears will rust the uncut gears of a man
And steal his attention
From his morbid detention with
She! So lacklustre
Straining he musters up the strength to leave
Blushing, trembling he tries to heave it up
But it all comes out a mixed up fuck of emotion
scrubbing shall he try to erase,
The image of her as she soulfully plays
Her wicked wand and broomstick slays
The smear of a high, neath a sparkling knave
A pubic line, a centre swath of passion
She lays down.
Tired from this feeling
an elevated woman, high
Caged yet so slim to slip the bars
Jealousy rules eternal.

I love the rip-roar of this -- 'the flying fist feeling machine' is a divine invention!

I love your poem Pete. Its so full of IT. I`m just rolling along with it all the way, can`t stop. A roller coaster of true jealousy.
You hit the spot kid. Good work
Val x

oh my oh my
the flyin fist

hey Val and Mox thanks a lot

x

Pete

Well Peter,
I am jealous, all the reviews I do and I never get a kiss, boohoo.
Val is already dating Captain Jack Sparrow and Elvis and Moxy is having a trist with Weird and Wonderful!

Hey ho I'm off to find myself another Idol - do you think Billy has been taken? lol.

xxxxxs to everyone - I'm not mean with my love!heehee

A lot of feirce energy, barely controlled. You feel like it might explode any minute.

Slight quibbles with the inversion of words to rhyme with freak,
and possibly the last line. But then I'm always cutting off last lines: they often seem like they're shutting the poem down, putting the lid on it, rendering it safe, telling us what it all means, and I'm not sure you need to do that.

But it's a minor quibble.

thanks everyone.

Steve I agree. I almost felled the last line, it felt uneasy, and yes the freak - bleak was a cop out. If I remove 'understander of feelings bleak' , I think that would do the job nicely.


My thanks to all on the review board.

you can really feel the rage in this poem, almost bursting out of the lines! i really like the sibilance in the final lines too. :)

Hi Sophie

Thanks a lot, glad you like it.

Are you coming along to any more slams I wonder.?

The poem, hmm I wrote it with a pub fight in mind, it developed from that.I have not actually analysed the poem and frustratingly enough I wrote the whole thing out in a few minutes with no retakes or mods. This is annoying as I dont know how I did it. Actually I do but its rare I get the tingly sensations that go thru me when it comes......

when that block is lifted! that writers block
reading the poem it appears to be a love triangle, what do you see?

yes get your tush out girl

i mean out on the town ...ooops

Mox ,

thsi is now a youtube recording


http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=qssi0cxBd0c

cut n paste the baby as \i cant work the HTML here girl.

ah, it has done it automatically

I am going to have a listen right now! (sfx my feet pattering away into the distance....)

(sfx: feet returning at a run)

That is terrific: the performance is spot on, there's a softness in the voice that shakes you with a sudden snarl, a revealed edge, and then back to the reasoning, the cool reckoning and then there are flames. The crowd coming in like a human tide -- the shift from revery/soliloquy to public scrutiny -- is blazing!

Peter,
Any chance you could put this on your profile as audio sample honey, as you know my computer wont let me on youtube - please don't talk technical you know how it gets me all befuddled - ooh I like that word.
Back to the point I would love to hear this poem my darling so be a love and share it with wee me technophobe.

Much love to you as ever.

xxxx

http://www.easyvend.net/Oh%20Jealousy!.mp3



i think if you hover over that address above then right click your mouse and choose 'save target as' option it will save to your computer.

you may be able to clcik on the link and play it, depends if you have an mp3 player built in to your browser.

Not sure Mags

thanks for comments on the poem

Wow Peter,
that gave me chills, it's amazing how much you have progressed in the delivery of your poetry!

Well done sweetness, you should be very proud - I look forward to seeing you perform this live.

xxxxx