hi,

Ive only just begun writing poetry again and therefore please give as much feedback as possible thanks :)

You come into my life for a split moment,
Share the road with me for a little while,
But then you turn in a different direction,
I watch as you head off into the sunset,

I stand there for a little while longer,
Not knowing where to go without you,
how can you find it so easy,
moving on,
leaving people behind,
a distant memory.

Hi Holly

I think this poem deals with a feeling we have all encountered.
You mention riding off into the sunset, which has shades of hope.

the poem made me think of the following:



upon the missing
------------------------

the sun sets on the missing
but
if you run fast enough, rises,
or wait long enough
comes back tempered
prizes the knowledge, a previous day
learning as spirit wiser
content with flesh,ironic decay
and the tide advances and recedes
washes away
in sand all messages hopefully read
for everything
a cycle turning
for
no man no woman
will planet wait
and friends-;only guests,
on natures stage
replaces,
even with hollow
and blessed the soul never dies
finds a way like a pagan
for meeting, in many lives.
patience
upon the crest of the incoming
when soul
seek and open
who knows what arrives.



that poem was a serious philosophical antidote for a time when I questioned living things missing from the world.

so my reaction to your poem was philosophical one I guess!

thanks for posting.

I like it, the way you quickly brings the unity of connection into view and then as suddenly expose the immediacy of dis-connection and wonder. Made me think of what I'd just been playing with:

Above it all

The tree tops
Pull me up
Spin me around
Above the golden sap green canopy
Out of body freedom
This winged view
Of life and support
Feeling the thrusting
Fullness of the wind’s
Rush of air beneath my heart
Raises me up

These steps
This wood
Brings me crashing back
To you
Your soft steps
Barely cracking fine branches
Strewn for you mid-autumn
Cascading down with the lost leaves
As confetti
Showering celebration
Of your very steps
At our feet
Your soft steps
Barely disturbing leaves
Eager to cling to your boots
The way my heart clings
To dreams of you

Brutal wind
Whisks these dreams
Into a spinning cauldron
Of raging desire
Boiling with the toil
Of separation
Longing so long
Time can’t remember its origins
Longing so long
That I can’t recall
When the pleasure
Subsided and burst forth
Pheonix-like as a blazing
Unquenchable furnace
Of unsatiated desire
Longing so long
That only this wood
Issues crumbling scents
Of a longing
That was you

Hi Holly - I'm new to writing too. I liked the directness of this poem, and the sense of poignant sadness, but also the way you are questioning the person, like an observer as well as someone emotionally involved. Just wondered if you need a question mark at the end? (sorry boring pedantic grammar comment!) Hope this makes sense to you. All the best - no poet

Well Holly I also like that the poem says so much in so few words. It is poignant to me at the moment and seems to say some stuff I've been struggling to put into words.

Thanks for letting us share it.

I don't think you need a questions mark at the end (even if it was a kind of question - at risk of sparking controversy I think that sometimes you can dispense with all punctuation in poetry)

Seamus

Very sad, Holly.

I've been there and can feel this poem intensely.

I really liked this piece of work but unfortunately, I can't offer you any constructive criticism.

The words are heartfelt and (I suspect) from experience. It feels freshly written, almost raw. Am I right?

Thanks for sharing.

Darren.