I want your ratings, opinions on this work-piece, 'Out of the box", a part of the anthology i just completed, "The P.O.T" (CURRENTLY SEEKING FOR INTERESTED ANTHOLOGY PUBLISHERS)

(A)

Out of the Box
Out of the Box

I was lost in the box called life…In it,

(I)
I wanted learning
but my education was deafening
I wanted truth
but my reality faked its root
I wanted to buy the right counsel
but my mind controller got me its left sell
I wanted to be free
but my pursuit turned a tree
I wanted information
but my vision brought me deformation
I wanted wellness
but my state showed illness
I wanted food
but my money was rude
I wanted a wife
but my life mirrored a knife!
I wanted the clarity of pleasure
but my naked eyes saw the dullness of pressure
I wanted to live forever
but my death was to question For Ever
I wanted peace
but my perception reflected unease

(II)
I wanted to know about people
but my understanding was a fumble
I wanted to be everyone’s friend
but my experience was the pal’s end
I wanted to be rich
but my efforts didn’t catch a fish!
I wanted direction
but my limitation was the obstruction
I wanted to know the ‘why’ to everything happening
but my answer had to cry to all prevailing
I wanted to invest in good
but my previous return showed “fooled”
I wanted to scream because of pains
but my calmness showed up because of gains

(III)
I wanted people to hear my voice
but my quest was a noise
I wanted money
but my struggle was funny!
I wanted to know why the world was divided
but the response was: “Its control is what’s favorite”
I wanted to know what happens after death
but my physical life told me I was on earth
I wanted to tell people my experience
but my words failed me in their presence
I wanted to know if I knew what I know
but my existence replied with a “NO!”
I wanted to find myself through my works
but my inner-self whispered: “If you want to find yourself, then think Out Of the Box!”

Youtube Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRVOJ6fpgZs

You cram a lot in here, some great lines.
My problem with this is the repetitive "I wanted... I wanted...".
It produces a mechanical list which doesn't appeal to me; I prefer graceful elegant language.
But hey, that's just me. The next person will say 'wow, I love the hypnotic rhythm'.
Keeeeep on scribbling! :)

Chimezie,

You'll probably find the best forum for feedback on your work is the Blog section

This discussion section is used more for threads and opinions, commentary and the like.

regards,

Graham