I've posted this one which i wrote about a year ago. Inspired by a tv programme i watched. I decided on this one because it isn't personal to me and because it is about a historical figure which was also the topic of a discussion thread recently.

It's been blogged before, commented on and critiqued and performed to death. (please pardon the pun)
It's purely selfish in the sense of wanting to know what other poets would have done with this with regards to form, structure etc... and invite anyone to take it apart or re-write it if they wish, and/or critique it as they would for a poem without any personal knowledge of the poet, amateur or otherwise.
I can safely say i'm not precious about this one. I doubt it will be performed again so is sitting in a file on my computer.
Please join in all you people with educational assistance. eg. how would this or could this be presented as a technically correct poem or should it be left as it is?

Poem to follow....

Pierrepoint. (the hangman)

Introduction. In the early 1900's over a span of 23 years there were 608 deaths by hanging at Pentonville prison. This is a brief account of one mans experience.


Following in his fathers footsteps,
the secrecy of his work kept separate
to his life. First with his mother
later with his wife.

At the brink of death they came
face to face with their executioner
before walking through the shadow
of their valley of death. A matt black door.
More fearsome than the average man
or woman could ever imagine in their
wildest of dreams.

The executioner buries emotion
and the mental stress of no-one to tell.
His only consideration to the height, weight
and physical condition for the quickest
cleanest break. Before pulling a lever
dropping them to their death.
Blanking out their tortured eyes
and plea's to their god as they take
those final steps to face
the sentence of a hangmans noose.

Obsession takes hold to beat a previous record,
his fathers of thirteen seconds.
Thirteen souls ripped from the earth
all in a single day provided that very opportunity,
appeasing his blameless guilt.
He did it in seven and a half.
At Monty's request, thirty four more
in seven days wrought compassion
for terror and fear, and then to further
his wretched salvation he cleansed
their outer shell. Unnecessary
to anyone but him, insistent upon
this last vestige of dignity
for those who'd paid the price.

Next came his personal retribution.
A colleague who was his friend
looked him in the eye saying
''thankyou Albert, thanks.''
Nightmares and furore followed
about those he'd put to death.
The devil at his heels as rubber- knecked
townsfolk shout him in the street.
And then came along a woman.
Like no other woman he'd seen before,
Ruth Ellis. stared in the face
this one last time, she smiled.
She knew! He saw!
Resignation drawn up and signed.

Hi Janet,

I'm happy to give you some kind of critique on this. Before I do though, I think it's important to know what you wanted to acheive in writing it - for that's the only real measure by which its success can be judged. By that I mean what message did you want the reader/audience to get from it, how did you want them to feel on reading/hearing it?

In the preface to the poem you write:

"This is a brief account of one mans experience."

However, I would suspect that you wanted to bring a fresh (and poetic) perspective to a fairly well documented biography, rather than reiterating what had been said about Pierrepoint previously.

I saw the drama-documentary you refer to and enjoyed Timothy Spall's portrayal of a man who was obviously a very complex character.

If I were to wade in and give you simply an appraisal of the "technical" aspects of the work I feel I would be doing you a great disservice, without knowing how you intended the poem to be perceived.

Regards,
A.E.

Anthony- thanks for taking a look at this. It was while watching the film i had an urge to make some notes. I ended up with about three foolscap pages of information. I wittled it down and this was the final draft. It's been commented on favourably everywhere i've performed it and created much discussion among people i've never met before. Maybe it doesn't need adjusting in any way at all. I chose this to see a varied response of how other writers might have set it out, edited even more or even left it as prose. I guess with all the discussion about form and structure, i want some idea of whether or not this could be made into a structural poem in some kind of traditional form. I didn't give a thought when writing how it would be performed or the reception from an audience. Everyone says it is a dark poem. I like that about it.

This is the best way for me to learn about technique. If it wouldn't serve any purpose ripping it to shreds (so to speak) then perhaps i chose the wrong poem for this thread.
Please if you want to work the piece, go ahead. It's because it isn't personal to me, i can accept that even though the poem is mine, i won't get tetchy about any critique. Of course there's my own slant on the story line but i think the parts i wanted to stand out do so. How is it for technical merit?

Chris- thankyou also for your contribution to the thread and i see your point. This is merely meant as an exercise for critique and various ideas so even though the poem is mine i don't mind if someone else wants to put their own take on it and omit or add to it or alter the form and structure. I hope this makes some sense to you because it does to me.