I performed a first draft of this at Middleton last time but I've re-drafted it quite a few times since then.


That Girl We All Hate

Here she comes
Us mere mortals
Are non-nonchalant statues
Erected to celebrate imperfection
For her sake we stand
Disjointed spines
A contrived upright
All folds sucked up tight
Diaphragms banned from expanding
We hold sunken-cheek positions
Grotesque
Sour-lemon sucking mannequins
We wait
Baited breath checked
Blown into sweat-drenched palms
Dried on wrinkled skirts
Out of minds
Of lads who risk a quick look in
To tits taped right up to chin
Imagining
Salivating
Lolling tongues dripping
Until
“Are you looking at that girl?”
Us girlfriends cut in
“That’s OK”
She pouts and giggles
She jiggles and wiggles
Has bits sticking out
In all the right places
And wallows in umbrage faces
Our squinted piggy eyes
Cankles
Love handles
Thunder thighs
Cottage cheese
Bilious skin
A big fat mistake
Slipped chisel gargoyles
Left crumbling in her wake
Worse still
She was born that way
No need to scalpel
Botox
Pluck
Scrape
Or suck
Or select those D cups
From a flesh flash book
Sculpted marble model
Amongst soggy lumps of clay
There’s no wonder why
She’s that girl we all hate

I especially love the first two-thirds of this poem -- the sound is disjointed, awkward, but in a deeply pleasing and perfectly apt way since it summons up the bizarre posturing of the girls around the Girl We Hate, the immediate self-consciousness she causes, the crazed effacement of perceived faults, the impossibility of being anything but compared to her. It's so darned good I don't think you need the last third (despite the quality writing). The actual clocking up of 'faults' doesn't need stating at all -- the comparisons are already made, we know this Girl brings a crisis of confidence. The bare fact that that Girl causes everyone to feel deficient is enough. I'd still keep the clay to her marble line, though, at the end. It's a terrific poem, Gemma.

waaaaah

where is the girl please Gemm?

:-)


This was read out at Middleton and twas super!

Thanks for the feedback :)

Peter I could never say who the girl is I think she'd kill me! haha!

Moxy thanks for the advice, I'm going to try it the way you've suggested and see how it sounds.

It's great ..... Captures the feelings perfectly. Love it.

thanks darren :)

I don't understand why we always compare ourselves so unfavourably to other women either but we do!