the autumn ageing

the brown edge of salad
is like autumn
in a way
left to long
prone to decay
kicking, ebbing
fragile the webbing
a modern world
humble in natures wake
how we fade
our salad days
erode
god forebode
the chlorophyll is browning
and it is like autumn
a decade sneaks by
and downing the nectar
kicking leaves
im not ready yet
so say the smoking
but so rapid the approach
how toe lice and roach
encroached us
as though with endless and relentless
predictability
autumn nibbled undeterred
she can never be wrong
and so begins the swan song
of
chain choking
the wrinkled dears
oh my god, look, the years
they steer
stumble
praise threadbare jumbles
of clothes
a life story imprinted
a fixed expression
too late to remove
a zimo-frame
reigns in the fragile
the brains riddled
but spirit perfect ,intact
important
and in fact
when questioned on death
fiddled for a while
then gave thanks
that a full life
of loving
meant everything

Love the concept of Autumn and aging. Frankies rendering of Autumn Leaves is so haunting. But what are Toe Lice Pete?

Another song of Franks is " At seventeen it was a very good year" good phrasing and words. Just ignore me, you have stirred the sentimental side of me with your poem Pete. XX

Val

I will go read that Frankie poem, thanks for the tip. It sounds good.

'toe lice' are imaginary things that begin to devour you- the idea of ageing, where something nibbles at you, i imagined these little lice that start at your toes, like if you are tired on your feet,you sit down, but these lice have nibbled into you. I wanted to involve the feet in the ageing process as we kicked the autumn leaves, walked the cascading parks, the overflow of summers excess, the triumph of the trees, piles of leaves.

i felt i wanted to add a sinster element in the imagery of a little louse nibbling, he may have lived in the very leaves we kicked, the irony of course. so i named him toe louse, in retrospect it could perhaps detract from the romantacism of the piece, not sure.

I would value an opinion on this. do we cut words in order to create a theme, or do we follow the instinct and put the things are minds cast?

oh! my I just don't know, that is why I post here. I would like to talk to all the poets on here in a quiet room with a coffee

can we not all get together?

(answers on seperate thread please)




SOPHIE! you can do any poem equally! we all are brill poets, i just have one style, everyone on here is a diamond


give us your autumn poem xxxx

Well done Pete - a stream of consciousness evocation of an original metaphor.
Only negative: 4th line; ‘left to long’ should perhaps be; ‘left too long’?

Thank you Frances.
Yes it's a mistake ('to' instead of 'too')
thanks for pointing that out, hopefully I can edit it now.

Peter


:-)