Paula Stubbs

Biography

As a child, I was party to lots of emotional bullying. The old adage of “sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you” wasn’t a reality for me. Those words did hurt; they broke my confidence, affected my learning, and I dreaded going into school. When I “discovered” amateur dramatic at the age of 14, my world once more opened up again. I found a place where no-one bothered about my size, no-one teased me about the way I looked and I loved every minute of being there, being on stage or helping backstage. I’d been to dancing classes since the tender age of three, but this, this was amazing! How I was accepted then became a huge part of my own work ethos and personal growth. Acceptance is key to so much. I made it a priority that any of my creative work, workshops, teaching, my own personal development should have, at its core, acceptance. No-one would be excluded from learning, taking part, discovering and this continues to this day through my own business, “Ta-Dah!” (https://www.tadahcre8tiveduktion.com/) working with all ages and needs. Creativity is a huge part of my life; directing, writing, designing, projects, and its centre is love. With my personal roots in the Christian faith, the marrying together of acceptance and love is crucial in my work as a Therapeutic Play Practitioner. Play has no barriers; it doesn’t need credentials or exclude anyone. Play is all inclusive, accepting and open. My writing is my view and my take on life, love, politics and everything else in between. Everything is from my heart, and how my heart, my whole being is affected by what I see, I experience, I do, I hear. My love for God gives me a deeper understanding of how things fall together, fall apart, are solid, negative, positive. My work as a Play Therapist helps me understand and give advice on trauma, on how we process, how we deal with life. I haven’t got it all sussed! Every day is a day to learn/have a learning curve/a curve ball/a dancing ball and that’s what I would love to share. I’ve started using Garageband on my phone and have developed spoken and instrumental tracks ; working on music and poetry, the blessing to use words to create is something I treasure

The Visitation

The Visitation He said I’d had a visit from you, But there were not exactly sure who you were. I tried asking them but all they could give me was a dumbfounded look, A “I dunno” . So, I asked them what you looked like; here’s the list Tall Well, about 5 7” Which isn’t remarkably tall but…. So, 5 7” Yes Anything else? Yes Ermm.. Oh, sorry…it was a lady. Can you remember her name? Ann…Angela… Take your time… Sorry, I should know… It’s fine, honestly. Do I know her well? Yes, yes you do! Stupid me…I should know! You’re not stupid. Then we spent a few moments trying to think about this mystery woman. It’s never easy when you can visibly see the confusion. And it breaks my heart, but I have to remain calm, composed, relaxed. It wasn’t Ann or Angela…was it A? Hold on! Got it! Anita! Anita? Yes, you know; we saw her last night. We did? And then it dawned on me. Keep calm, smile. Anita Rani? Yes, Anita Rani! We saw her last night. Yes, we did. Of course, this visitation was Anita Rani on The One Show With a message for us all, not just the two of us, About equality, Of how we bow the knee to say no to hatred and hostility. She was very good. I agree. I can’t tell you, really, about the confusion, the process in my head right now. Something that we are getting to grips with May rip us apart At some time. But now we focus on the here and now, How we joke about remembering, How it is never the same as it used to be. You and me. Together. With a kaleidoscope of memories, Including Anita Rani. C Polly Stubbs 2021

21ST Century Ode (on watching “Shakespeare in Love”)

What knowest I of schemes and plans Ere to befit me as a common man? What can I boast of? None I know of, yet, Having seenst and heard of Rules that seem to fit me in my place. I stop and wonder. Doest thou know my truest worth? My soul’s delight? Doest thou command the sun at day The moon at night? I thinkest not. Yet, thou, with lofty titles far above my station, honour me not, Nor give me contemplation. But who’s hand is on the tiller? Gainst the brow? Who herds the sheep, the flocks of cows? Who plies their trade to sell and make their way? Who holds the ruffian, keeps the sway? Keeps the sway of movement back and forth of land and sea? Who pilots crafts that fliest high? Who keeps the young, who teaches them their ways? Aye, none of you! And yet, and yet I hear you speak such words That would make bones bend and creak! “Truly, I am your servant” You? My servant? Looks thou at me? Touches thy forelock? Bows and scrapes the knee? I know thee well! For, when to my bed I go or whence I rise When works I through the brilliant sun or troubled skies, You, far above and far in miles, with doe-eyes looks Beguiling nods and sighs, say “I know your troubles” You? My troubles know? My ears deceive me! Buy further you go, sayeat “Here I stand, and stand with you Shall I until together we this mountain climb, both step in Union and sway And, if thou stumblest, I, with outstretch hands, will I rise you to your feet once more And we, together, shall survey the scene, Gasp, whisper, at the way we came, Through forests dark, through winter’s harsh terrain Wherein I gave thou more, for I could in there see Such sadness, great anxiety that I wondered how I could Mend this troubled soul. So, from my burgeoning case, I gave you wood for fire, Gave remedies to tend, food to fu your soul. And you, in greatest reverence, poured your utmost thanks And pledges to my side” It is at this I tremble, for now I truly see the picture that you paint, And from its scene recoil do I, and now am taint with that same flattery That you have used and will do ere again To bring the listener in with treasures sweet. Stop! Away! Taste not this mimicry! These words are hollow! And clear I see these words and motions formed are there to make Feel so chained I to you that there is no quick escape! You have sure bound me in your snare, your trap. Fodder for you am I and, with a snap of fingers sure am I to say “great gifts you give to aid me live each day” Oh, let me be forever in your debt! I swear my oath, my true allegiance” You, with dewy eyes, and tilt of face put me in my so rightful place That, try as I might, I cannot part from you! Therein am bound and bound and bound again And then my heart, so quickened, breathes once again. My lungs take shape, take in sweet air. Colour returns, blood runs and veins are full Of such electric powers I knowest not of. My lips begin to move, and in me, words begin to form. Words, words! My body is alive! I feel again the cold, stark nuance of your phrase. But this time, I am not turned to stone, I am afeared not, I move and stand, strength in my feet, resolve in every limb. I with you no more steps will climb. “But, come! Stay more awhile with me! The troubles’ past” But I am wiser now. Should you turn to dust, I will not grieve, nor shed a tear. And, in remembrance, I shall to all my children say “Take heed and listen well, test out their colours, their nods, their smiles. Do not be beguiled with sweetened words, for, in their honeyed tones, Dig deep, find out the root, Wherefore they came? And come from whom? Words placed on lips that have no heart Will quicker disperse when tested such” My rucksack may not be filled with the wood of a thousand forests, With the meat of cattle recent slain, with remedies to quickly aid my pain. And I am happier thus. C Polly Stubbs 2021

And The Bunting Sways

And The Bunting Sways And the bunting sways in a gentle breeze, While the children play and laugh with ease. Music rings out loud and clear Calling one, calling all, to dance, to cheer And, for a moment, for a second, no barriers here. Hope lifted, hearts gladdened, for a moment in time. There are moments I remember from when I was a child; Rubble and chaos, houses on fire, wailing sirens Ushering us to safety below underground. Evacuated from my home My sister and me; but the pain was too much Of being away from mum and dad, Away from everything we knew. Twice we ran away; we ran away home. Can’t remember how they felt but we felt secure And the bunting sways in a gentle breeze, While the children play and laugh with ease. Music rings out loud and clear Calling one, calling all, to dance, to cheer And, for a moment, for a second, no barriers are here. Hope lifted, hearts gladdened, for a moment in time. Years upon years, shifting sand, Memories entwined with each other. Birth of a daughter, and one lost too soon. First day at school, Battleships and Barbies. And then she grew up, grew up, moved away It changed me, when she went. Marriage and a grand child When we thought we’d have none. Death of my loved ones tore my heart in two And the bunting sways in a gentle breeze, While the children play and laugh with ease. Music rings out loud and clear Calling one, calling all, to dance, to cheer And, for a moment, for a second, no barriers are here. Hope lifted, hearts gladdened for a moment in time And our Sovereign, our Queen, All this has been hers, too. Her life in a spotlight, mustn’t put a foot wrong. Smiling and anguish Tears never seen. “She’s well off, she doesn’t have to choose ; heat the house Or eat food? She’s thinks she’s above it all! I mean, look at where she lives! Her wealth is obscene And what about her children? Fat lot of good they are! High court, payments made, And don’t get me started on Princess Di…” But you weren’t there, in the war, you didn’t see what I saw. You didn’t see her wade in, get stuck in, At 13 when evacuated; 18 when she joined up, completely her choice. The family could’ve gone into hiding, but they stood their ground. She didn’t get a leg up from her dad, Second Subaltern in the ATS, moved her way up Because she put the hard work in. Digging for Victory, Engine Maintenance When it came to an end, still dressed for work, She went out with her sister, cap down to cover her face. To drink it all in, and be swept along with joy and relief. And when victory was ours, oh, the parties we had! Enough drink to fill the Thames, enough food for a month! And the singing and dancing went into the night Children singing, bells ringing, flags waved and waltzes Ration books pooled for extra butter and sugar… I thought I’d never see this again… And the bunting sways in a gentle breeze, While the children play and laugh with ease. Music rings out loud and clear Calling one, calling all, to dance, to cheer And, for a moment, for a second, no barriers are here. Hope lifted, hearts gladdened, for a moment in time.

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