I dream of Jeanie with the light brown hair. *
She’s so sweet and loving.

I’m good looking for a man of my age,
with handsome gray hair – what there is of it – 
that girls like to pat like they pat a pet dog.
I can’t wag my tail like a dog, 
but I can flash a sweet smile.

My wrinkles portray character 
and the wisdom that comes with age.
Skin cancers between wrinkles 
betray my time in the sun. 
I could protect Jeanie from wrinkles and cancer   
by avoiding the beach. 
My belly hangs over my belt like an avalanche 
ready to fall, with spindly legs dangling below. 
I have boobs** that would make some women proud. ***

I live in the glorious past.
My memory is excellent; I can remember 
things that never happened long ago, **** 
and am not bothered by memories 
of this morning’s events.  

My daily pills hold me together. 
My dentures are handsome and chew well. 
My osteoporosis, arthritis and replacement parts
don’t bother me much these days. 
I walk with a weary wobble  
with my trusty wheeled walker.
My walker and golf cart take me 
most everywhere

                            around here.

I used to sing beautifully, but now I sing like a crow. 
I could play Caruso recordings and say they are mine.

I live on Social Security that young whippersnappers don’t have yet.
I have wisdom to spare that I’m glad to share 
with everyone, over and over, always for the first time.

I’ve been around and can show Jeanie the town, 
as long as we’re home by ten.
Eating out is a pleasure, with soft foods 
and lots of milk, even a small taste of wine.

Travel?  Why, I’ve traveled enough for two,
and I could tell about every place, 
even lecture on the design of the Alhambra. 
With such an escort, who would want to travel?

Women are sweet and loving.  
I can give warmth and dedication, night and day.
I can cuddle, not scare Jeanie
by being assertive in bed. 
We could even have separate bedrooms 
so she wouldn’t have to listen to snoring,
interrupted by silence.  ***** 

Jeanie is luscious as ever. 
With all of my wonderful assets, 
I wonder why she doesn’t fall for me.  

             March, 2014

*           Steven Foster
**         Not to be confused with booby birds.
***       Gynecomastia
****     See memory errors, Wikipedia
*****   Sleep apnea