Adam and Eve had a trick up their sleeve
Being there when the world was begun
It’s a little pet peeve, which brings on a slight seethe - 
They were there at the start, so they won

Some theologists say that if they had their way
They’d get rid of original sin
But our Man of God is a little bit odd
He goes into the box with a grin

He created devotion by stirring the notion
That he’s heard each confession before
And if we want him to stay, then we must find a way
To give him a little bit more

It was a bit of a shock when he said to our flock
“That it isn’t enough to be born
And if that’s all you’ve got, then I’ll leave you to rot
And I shan’t even stifle a yawn”

He won’t hear about greed, or making things bleed
Forget about lust, wrath or pride
To get him excited, or semi-delighted
You’ve to show him you have at least tried

I’ve poked badgers with spoons for six afternoons 
Chased squirrels around with a flute
I’ve hidden in trees to bottle the breeze
And ironed a turtle’s shell suit 

I have to confess, there’s a build up of stress
When I head to the church on a Sunday
All this having to think drives a fella to drink
But I make a fresh start every Monday 

It’s a rampant obsession, this weekly confession
For the bar seems to get ever higher
But I’ve got his measure, my sins are a pleasure
And he can’t ever call me a liar

This task I can’t shirk, so I might give up work
Be focussed and not give a damn
It’s causing some strife, for I’ve buried the wife
To her knees in vat of warm jam

Alas, each time I try, he just gives me the eye
But he might know in my heart that I’m trying
For with each thing I think of, I get close to 
the brink of true living before I start dying

Yes, Adam and Eve had a trick up their sleeve
When it came to original sin
But though they were first, they had it the worst -
Nude scrumping is not how to win

Written for contest https://allpoetry.com/contest/2748628-Share-the-Laughter...-Eddie-izzard-quotes-adult
Using prompt 3 - Eddie Izzard’s quote “Father, bless me for I have sinned, I did an original sin… I poked a badger with a spoon.”