There once was a pirate named Clyde

A scurvy sailor with a salty hide

The sea was his home

The wash and the foam

The rolling of the tide

Smart as a whip

He built his own ship

From the spoils of his plunders

No crew did he need

For they would impede

Upon his search for wonders

With a shearwater’s sight

He would sail out at night

Prowling all the best ports

Searching for treasures

And other pleasures

Mingling with the sorts

His name was well known

And most left him alone

For none dared to stir up his wrath

He’d kill ‘em all dead

Then cut off their heads

It was best to stay clear of his path

Not a bit did he drink

His mind sharp to think

For planning his next attack

He’d get the loot

Slip away on his sloop

And ne’er would he look back

He’d outsmart ‘em all

In the spring and the fall

When cargoes were at their height

He’d leave them all fuming’

And all in confusion

As he sailed out of sight

Then one day ol' Clyde

While watching the tide

Pondering his next move

Did spy a fair lass

With plenty of sass

And much more to prove

She led him on home

Fed him cream and warm scones

Then loved him all through the night

When morning came

She did the same

And he didn’t put up a fight

Clyde he was stricken

His pulse it did quicken

This missy was worth more than gold

She sparkled and glistened

Enraptured, she listened

To the stories that he told

This booty was more

Then he thought to score

In all his years buccaneering

But to find such a purse

Might well be a curse

So he set to engineering

He couldn’t stay

And he needed a way

To claim this urchin his prize

But she left him dizzy

His mind in a tizzy

Such feelings he could not surmise

A cut throat like he

Should put out to sea

And yet she made him linger

She had a way

Of making him stay

By lifting just one finger

Then late one night

The moon shining bright

He hatched the most clever plan

He’d whisk her away

The very next day

And set course for Yucatan

But when morning came

He found his dame

Puking and pacing about

Ain't no one was leavin’

And this was the reason

She pointed at her bloat

He’d filled her with semen

Most every evenin’

And now she was starting to show

A bun in the oven

From all that lovin’

A little Clyde starting to grow

He swore with his heart

They never would part

And that he’d not pillage again

Now Clyde is a dad

Which isn’t so bad

And he now has a crew of ten

 

Lisa C Bassignani 2020