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Flat Lines

Breadlines, deadlines
I can't find the right lines
To speak to girls; or women,
For that matter.
 
I'm on the breadline, the sideline
Always looking on and never playing.
Always ready with a good whine
To inflict on anyone with the time
To listen to this shit.
 
I'm a baseline; rock bottom.
Frozen in line, at the back of the queue,
Towing the partyline and hating it.
Watching like a voyeur as others do fine
 
I am pond slime; amoebic in my efforts.
At least to some.
Neonatal in my self expression,
Inadequate with my spoken rhyme.
 
I'm on the breadline
And this bread is getting stale.
 
 

◄ Pandora's Box

I Wrote A Poem... ►

Comments

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Steven Kenny

Sat 5th Jun 2010 22:03

Hi Chris, thanks for your comment! I'm actually in the same frame of mind as you regarding this one. It's the reason it's called Flat Lines, I wasn't sure if the lines worked or not. Can't win them all I suppose! :-)

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Chris Dawson

Sat 29th May 2010 08:17

I like most of your work, always read it even if I don't always comment, but I can't make up my mind about this.
I don't know if you know Radiohead's 'Creep'? - that conveys similar sentiments, but perhaps a little more tongue-in-cheek? I feel that you could perhaps inject a little more irony in to this, invite your audience to empathise with the feeling most of us get from time to time of not being good enough, rather than to pity you for it. It's not a funny subject but it's wanting a little humour, does that make sense? - feel free to ignore if you think I'm talking rubbish. :)
Cx

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