A lot of debate recently about the appropriateness of "Rule Britannia" and "Land of Hope and Glory" as songs for the modern age. The middle verse of "God Save the Queen" is equally controversial, but it strikes me that although I sang the song hundreds of times when I was young and had little choice in the matter, I have never sung the offending verse because it was always tactfully dropped. I don't see why a similar tweak can't be made to the words of RB and LOHAG. Here's my suggested secular and politically correct rewrite of RB. Yes, I know the syntax is garbled and the words don't fit the tune, but the same criticisms can be levelled at the current version! My LOHAG to follow tomorrow...

 

When Britain first, at the Holocene’s hand,

was severed from Eurasia by the azure main,

This was the charter, the charter of the land,

And gallant citizens all sang this strain:

 

Brill Britannia! The friend of all the globe.

Britons never, never shall be xenophobes.

 

Thy parliamentary democracy

Ensures that thou beneath the power of no tyrants fall,

While thou shalt flourish gentle and free:

Thy tolerance the envy of them all.

 

Still more egalitarian shalt thou rise,

More cheerful from each prejudicial stroke.

Lest carbon dioxide overwhelms the skies

Thou’ll plant a hundred million native oaks.

 

Thee racist bigots ne'er shall tame;

All their attempts to bend thee down

Will but arouse thy generous flame,

But work their woe and thy renown.

 

To thee belongs the rural reign;

Thy cities shall with commerce shine;

Protect thou shall the abundant main,

So fish stocks last for all mankind.

 

And refugees in need of sheltered ground,

Shall to thy happy coasts repair.

Blest isle! with matchless beauty crowned,

And fearless hearts to guard the fair.

 

Brill Britannia! The friend of all the globe.

Britons never, never shall be xenophobes.