There's a new pub in town,

'The Liquidly Challenged'.

I've just been down,

To see it tonight.

Although it's quite new,

It wasn't too busy.

The human resources

Were standing about.

Then all of a sudden

The guard bitch was barking

Towards the commotion

Bar persons looked round.

I glanced to the sinistre,

It was so dextrous.

Desperate to see,

The site of the sound.

The sound as I saw it

Was patently clear now.

Some boisterous person

Was upright impaired.

The poor client had suffered

Excessive consumption.

Until ambulation

Had left him alone.

Poor soul so misled

By the liquidly challenged,

And tormented sorely,

By cash in his hand.

Had been torn from the path

Of the straight and the upright.

'Til now he lay flat,

And the guard bitch harangued.

Distressingly so, his articulation

Was serving him now,

Less well than it should.

All fairness is absent,

In this situation.

To see the inequity,

Everyone could.

On top of the burden,

Of non ambulation,

Verbal acuity,

Had now left him too.

Oh woe is the state,

That the state has now left him in.

Voiceless and legless,

Burbling flat.

Worse still,

By that guard bitch,

He's harassed at that.

There must be a therapist,

For his speech problem.

A wheelchair is needed,

To move him around.

Get a counsellor someone,

To smoothe out the trauma.

How can he possibly,

Buy his next round.

His house must be altered,

To allow him to stay there.

He must have a helper,

To wheel him down here.

We must not forget,

In all this commotion,

The large compensation,

That must be obtained.

The terrible fright,

Which the guard bitch occasioned,

Must be redressed,

By considerable sum.

But heavens, what's happening?

He's got to his feet now.

He's kicked darling guard bitch,

Right over the bar.

He's got to his feet,

And strode with a purpose.

The human resources,

Have fled to their car.

He said, "Landlord, your beer's crap.

I just had a taster.

As soon as it went down,

I came on all queer."

The landlord flushed purple,

And clutched at his clutch bag.

He fell off his high heels,

And fainted away.

Crashing on guard bitch,

Who whimpered morosely,

The bar was deserted,

And no one could pay.

The liquidly challenged,

Was suddenly throbbing.

Crowds wandered in,

As though summoned by bells.

The punters all served

Themselves to their liking.

Then chatted and mingled,

And had a good time.

The atmosphere flourished,

And much to my liking,

Nice guard bitch came by,

And I patted his head.

Our once sickly person,

Ignored the free drinking.

He leapt over the bar,

And gave mouth to mouth.

Now the landlord is glowing,

Refreshed and bestowing,

His favours upon,

All his new clientele.

Though the takings were paltry,

the evening's excelling.

The Liquidly Challenged,

Is well open now.