each day I went for a walk in the woods

with COVID you look after your ticker

you tend to see the same folk each day

they smile as I offer the faintest flicker

 

I'd copped a wan couple making the circuit

a pair regular as clockwork out every day

then I saw the woman strolling on her own

had her partner upped and gone away?

 

a week later I caught her eye and stopped

by the broken oak-tree we stood to talk

she explained how his heart had given way

I wondered if the culprit was that daily walk

 

soon I found myself invited to the funeral

about her intentions she seemed clear

she had a lovely body and a nicer house

I found myself married within the year

 

trouble is her aged libido is incessant

while every day she walks me on a lead

sometimes I get back quite exhausted

breathless and unable to do the deed

 

she walked her old man into the ground

an early grave was his inevitable fate

I fear she's doing the same to me and

at this rate I dont have long to wait

 

fiona's a black widow, a pure gold-digger

whom  did she love then walk to their end?

unlike me she simply seems to get fitter

with her iron will I just cannot contend

 

endless bedroom demands plus walking

have all but made a shrivelled husk of me

finally, I resolved to take direct action

God forgive me, I put Valium in her tea

 

now she can barely walk around the room

let alone stomp me on the silken sheet

I have killed two birds with one stone

I'm finally freed from those fiendish feet