A recalcitrant granny at my local ALDI

Seeking a refund on her custard creams

Made me wonder how you get a refund

After a whole lifetime of broken dreams

 

Merchandisers of Eros were my nemesis

I bought my first dream from sweet Julia

Redolent of cinnamon and Dioressence

Before morphing into something peculiar

 

Heather's packaging was slick and cool

Her labelling crisp and ever so refined

A whirlwind of chilli powder and vanilla

Seared my tonsils and blew my mind

 

Rosemary's stock was on special offer

Blonde locks in a promotion of perms

The best buys turned out second hand

Her wigs writhed into a can of worms

 

Ella had a stall down in Petticoat Lane

Selling old clocks that were always late

When she scraped away her make-up

I had misgivings about her sell-by date

 

Jo seemed environmentally friendly, her

Green-washed tosh swept me off my feet

Defective products all, but the law's clear:

No refunds in the absence of a receipt