we all have bits a tad imperfect,

(dark specs hide my killer squint)

other embarassments of mine

so many they're not fit to print

 

Beverley liked to hum during sex,,

she kept goats and preferred oral,

tight bandages on both big toes,

her orgasms were strictly choral

 

middle-aged smoke screens hide

natural signs of wear and tear,

I left Sue's bewigged head alone,

alopecia long ago took her hair

 

Candice kept her socks on in bed

one night I peeped as she slept,

though lacking most of her toes

at balancing she proved adept

 

Lyn's huge breasts pained her

her Aswan bra took your breath,

one night the clasp failed and

I well nigh got beaten to death

 

Ann's inner thigh had a varicose vein

the size of a medium-sized nation,

the no-go zone around that blemish

caused me no end of frustration

 

some afflictions cant be disguised,

bunions must exercise their sway,

women wearing shoes in the sack

is normally a drop-dead give-away

 

bloomers jar in the era of thongs

but for Sally they're a Godsend,

a giant birthmark mars her arse

no plastic surgeon will ever mend

 

bandages of any description

should arouse your suspicions

they might be quite genuine

or betray severe inhibitions

 

but not all women are so shy

some rampant exhibitionists,

keen to flaunt imperfections

especially so when pissed

 

one was Pam with webbed feet

lacking any button on her belly,

what she did with those plates

reduced me to a quivering jelly