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Twisted Thorns

“Hey!
Can’t you see me!
I’m over here.
Turn around!
I’m standing right here.
Why are you talking about me
as if I wasn’t here?
I’m not invisible.
What the hell is going on?
Officer, officer!
Can’t nobody see me?
Where are you taking my car!
I need that to get home!
Those beers…
Well, I did not drink all of them.
My car is totaled.
But I’m okay!
Do you hear me?
I’m okay!
Aren’t I?
My friend…
He was following behind me
and called the police?
But there was no accident!

Wait a minute!
Who is on that stretcher?
Why is there a sheet over that body?
Who is on that stretcher?
Let me see.
Let me see!
Oh my God.
I’m the one who is…
Dead.
I should never have driven.
Why did I not listen?

Where’s that light from?
Where am I going?”

◄ Sleeping Lives

I Dream of Egypt ►

Comments

<Deleted User> (4235)

Tue 20th Jul 2010 02:19

Thank you both so much. This was an older poem of mine, one that has been left on the side for far too long, and I think I will rewrite its ending.

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Graham Sherwood

Mon 19th Jul 2010 22:29

Melissa I disagree with Cynthia (as I often do) and think as the piece is about to finish, there is a glimmer of hope. I do however think the word home at the end is a mistake and should have just finished "where am I going"?

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 19th Jul 2010 12:41

Dead interesting, Melissa. It crashed right along with strong rhythm and realistic dialogue, keeping the pace strong. For me, the poem should end with: 'Why did I not listen?' which has a real POW factor. I think the last stanza introduces such a different controversial idea that it dilutes the strong message in the piece. This is purely my opinion. The title is very clever.

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