I love the idea of love

How it feels

How it looks 

How it smells

Im not sure if the manifestation 

Of love

Scares me

Because it triggers

My addiction to

Pain, trauma and abuse

The codependency

Is tricky

And confuses me

Because I know it’s not love

But it’s the closest thing 

I’ve been taught 

By my foremothers and forefathers

I didn’t choose to

Be codependent 

But I make the conscious decision

To remove the implants and programming

I pray that Yahweh reprogram my mind

Every day

So that I can get to enjoy

The experience of love

As much as the idea