(Verbal decipher kit at the ready…)

 

One's horse drawn carriage

Left London one day

Edinburgh bound

But got lost along the way

 

Ended up in North-East?

Streets filled with shit 

And soot covered peasants

Adorning most of it

 

In peered through one's window

With coal dust for skin

A ruffian to behold!

With a crooked, toothless grin

 

"Where's th' gannan, bonny lad?"

With halitosis it offered

And to the fact it had no teeth

Not a jot was it bothered!

 

"I… I… We… We…"

 

"I I weewee?

Sounds French t' me

There's ne Froggy shite here

jus' black gold & waarm beer

 

"If ye lost, ye can come

an' sit by the fire

wi' that mop on ye heed

an' ye fancy attire

 

"An' if ye wan' a bit scran

there's a dollop o' mashed chetty

It might gan streyte through ye

but, ye can gan on our nettie

 

"It's just a haowl in the grund

reet out the back

but it'll dee if ye need 

a piss or a crap! "

 

One did not really know

What the vile mouth did sprout

But for, crap & piss

A common theme, no doubt!

 

The wretch kept on babbling

Pausing only to fart

Declaring he'd, "follied through"?

So, did, hastily, depart!

 

I shouted to flee!

And we got on our way

Leaving behind

The smoke & decay 

 

One was never so pleased

To spy a drunken Jock

Rolling out of a tavern

In his tartan man-frock! 

 

But, later, in one's mansion

A funny turn did strike me

Such a vile way of speaking

Really, quite unlike me!

 

What would you like for supper, sir?

 

One's cook asked me with smiles

But, what escaped from one's mouth

Made her run for miles!

 

"Mop heed!"

 

Pardon, Sir?

 

"Aye, scran!"

 

Scran, Sir?

 

"Piss!"

 

Piss, sir!?

 

"An' crap!"

 

Piss and crap, Sir?!!

 

"Froggy shite!"

 

Froggy shite, sir!!! I...I

 

"Weewee!"

 

I don't…

 

"Aa dinnit!"

 

Dinner???

 

"Froggy shite, piss, crap

An' a dollop o' ye best mashed chetty!

 

"Reet, aaas buggerin' off

t' get me arse

ower that NETTIE!"

?

 

One's cook has never recovered (Poor Betty).