Woken early by my black dog

growling at another rabbit hole,

pulling at the leash to

dig out some sorrow or fear

to bring back home

and leave at my door.

 

And there it would stay,

if I were in charge.

But today my Ego stands

waiting for His treat and

carries it into my mind.

And there He starts his dissection.

 

Pulling apart the fresh, raw,

sinewy emotions, Ego searches

for what disgusts and repels Him,

what challenges His very existence.

Where He finds it, He creates

suffering that wasn’t there before.

 

He relishes this for it is his

life force, this is the stuff of

anxieties, hatred and misery

which He pushes onto me as

the proof of why I should be

what I should be.

 

He points to where I’ve been wronged

and stokes my fires of self pity,

anger and indignation. Whipping up

within me what He needs to survive,

an identity different to ‘those others’,

so its me and Him versus the world.

 

But its not. I want no part of His critical

joy, the self-satisfaction and justification

for his continued being. I work

to see his tricks and machinations

so I might see Him coming and

expel Him and his ever-present hound.