I've thought about this deeply.

I've given it my all.

I wish I had more than just one head

to beat against this wall.

 

All the shoulds and shouldnt's blur my vision,

wont's and cant's clog up my ears.

And now everytime someone says "I can"

I burst right into tears.

 

I stood on top this promise

of a mustard seed so little.

I gave a faith so boldly

and received a faith so weak and brittle.

 

I did everything you wanted

I moved mountains in my mind.

I believed there were greater things ahead

then the great things that hurt to leave behind.

 

You put dreams in my heart when I was so little

You nurtured them and allowed them to grow.

You let me brush them with the backside of my knuckles

then you swatted them below.

 

You taught me the importance of an honest, hopeful spirit

then you broke my spirit in two.

No one has ever hurt me so deeply,

No one has hurt me like you.

 

Why tell me that i'm enough, but not allow me to succeed?

Why tell me that i'm important, but never allow me to rise?

Why hang on that cross so painfully

is this is all I am in your eyes?

 

And I try; I try so hard,

I've given you every piece of me I can.

And not because I was raised to call your name;

I saw in you something more than just a decent man.

 

And I followed you in that moment

with nothing more than what I knew.

I just don't know if you believe in me

the way that I believe in you.

 

You filled my heart with dreams, told me I could have them,

let me chase them, bleed for them, cry for them, and then you let them die.

Not once or twice, but every time,

now i'm too tired and deflated to try.

 

You told me I could move mountains.

Those mountains moved right over me.

I feel like a joke, I feel like a fool

that I was so sure I had your guarantee.

 

And now, i'm not sure of anything,

I can't move, or breathe, or speak.

Anytime someone asks me to pray,

I freeze, cold and weak.

 

Not because I don't believe in you,

but because there's just no way to know,

What you're going to do when we get to the places

you keep telling us to go.

 

And it might be all about persepctive,

not seeing the things you see.

but I gave you everything I had,

now there's nothing left in me.

 

I just wish you wouldn't keep getting my hopes up

If none of them are going to turn out to be true.

It feels so cruel, so incredibly unkind

and those are things I don't want to believe about you.

 

I'm sorry if I'm the one inadequate,

I would do anything to be enough,

but i'm just broken bits and pieces

i'm afraid i'm not made of the proper stuff.

 

I thought for a while that may not be true

but I swear, I'm starting to think that you agree.

I believe in you.

Do you believe in me?

 

If you do, I can't see!