To my boyfriend, post fight 

21-04-22
 

 

Is it love? 
When feathery words laced in abundant trust 
And love bound kisses of confidentially 
Is thrust 
Forcefully into nasty shit 

Thrown from my mouth straight into my face 
Like a cowardly punch thrown 

My family 
You say
Lower, beneath you.
My mentally ill mother who sustained brain damage,
Claws through a heartless Irish society 
To breath 
But still manages to function, to care to love 
Yet classed as mentally ill 
I wouldn’t be a teacher today without my mother 

Early memories of our play room,
Indoctrinated with letters,  a pre school as early as she could endeavour,
Trips to the library every Saturday morning,
Plastic chairs and tables invested , homework help always guaranteed,
Bookshops and grinds,
The highest of high of expectations, 
Although through the teen years my mother faded,
Through no fault or her own,
She’s a fighter. 
Where her heart to too big for this world,
Where screwed up skewed bias,
Lends her as useless. 
No medial assistance,
Not even a smile. 
Or maybe it was because 
She was 
Not driven ? 

My father, 
Taught me love, 
A steady gentle hand, 
A father figure so strong,
The tender memories so precious,
I play them back in my mind,                                                    Even now . 
As young as 2 or 3 years,
I tuck them deep 
Within my mind's eye.
 I revisit the warm memories often 
He’s why I am who I am,
The loving bond we share 
Is still etched in my heart,
His love still guides me. 
I am who I am because of my father. 

And would you believe 
That the traits my father posses - are also admirable traits I see in you,
The loving caring kind
So when you talk trash about my father 
You are actually trashing yourself 
To call my lovely father who I cherish with pride 
Not driven and a talker of shite 

Reflects a closed mind and heart 
Only a focus on oneself
His Ego

If you truly were in love 
It would be abundant and free
No tig or tag 
Or cancelling out 
Or getting one up 
No egocentric stances 
No bargaining...

But pure and open free love 

I’ll give you a second chance,
But you need to drop the facade

Where is my bestie gone.
Who's replaced his heart? 
I do not recognise his face, his eyes, his mind, his soul. 
Who's replaced my heart with a pang of pain and gush of bruising ? 
Where did it all go ?

Love