Father. King of the heavens.

I am so enamored by your ways.

You are like the greatest gemstone,

Whose infinite faces reflect on all you create.

In the face of such complexity,

so tiresome to stand here in awe.

 

My soul yearns for you.

Yet my heart is so weary, my flesh desires rest.

to immerse myself in your words seems so cumbersome,

and my addictions weigh on me so…

 

My chains are broken already.

yet I still carry them as my own.

 

You invite me into Your arms

yet I cling to these desires.

Desires I have seen, and lived,

in all of their awfulness.

I desire life, but I still despise myself in these ways.

 

My journey is such a gift.

Such a beautifully woven web.

Through all of my selfishness,

My determination, to give up everything

Out of rage.

 

My mind still wanders, my heart still searches

my answers so clear, yet so distant.

The grace I have been shown still amazes me.

Forgive my want to move on, the pain

still rears its ugly head at me

Every once in a while.