“How could you?”

“What are you thinking?”

“You have no business being that angry young man!”

 

“Do you want to become your step father?”

 

anything to not be that monster

anything to not be like my mother either

 

My two states, lazy and angry.

I hate them both.

 

Turn it inward. Make it about you. It’s all your fault.

just as long as no one else is hurt.

just as long as the inner monster stays inside.

 

Dreams of contraptions,

Visions of flesh and blood.

Ripping

Tearing

Screaming

 

The me on the table.

The me standing over, the one with the tools.

My depression naps, the very thing that kept me from doing it really.

My cowardice, my very lifeline.

 

Terrified of my own determination,

To prove how angry I was,

To prove a fact no one had ever considered.

A secret well kept,

flying under everyone’s radar.

Behind these iron gates I call my lips.