i have no idea how to reconcile the fact that,

i knew people once, like i know the lines on my face.

people who now fade so far into my memories that nothing reminds me of them.

my mum says, thats the way it is.

that life is about the fading and the renewal.

the old memories being old and never present. 

but i cant stomach it!

it makes me completely sick. 

i wish i knew everyone always. 

that the people i once knew, i still know. 

but i know them in the way i once knew them.

and i cant ever know them that way again.

how cruel. how cruel, and bittersweet.

i wish i could freeze pockets of my life and relive them.

so if i wanted or needed to feel the sweet burn of cameraderie from all black rooms, 

filled with children who loved to cry,

i could go back. 

take off my shoes and socks and pretend to be crows.

and when i was exhausted and i wanted a soft bed,

with the covers to my ears, 

so the soft giggles of cousins once young are still there,

i'd click my fingers and off i'd go.