A pint in my local, Christmas Day ‘99

First time I looked over at Danny and thought ‘Damn, he is fine’

Playing pool with the lads, Danny-boy on my mind

Bent over the table, that peachy behind

His wife on the phone saying turkey is served

I had a burst up against him

Phwoar, his peaches were curved

Go home to your wife, to your not-so-fun life

I’ll sit here with my beer and imagine your rear

You bloody enjoyed it though you said it was nothing

Be me not your wife and the turkey you’re stuffing 

Feeling forlorn once Danny had gone

Me back in my bedroom with Christmas pudding and porn

 

Danny later took me aside during a footie lads meet

And told me he knew I was gay by the way that I speak

‘Don’t bother me mate,’ he said, ‘that particular street

But I hope I don’t catch it; did you get it from something you eat?

It don’t make me a gay I was just having a peek

at the size of Ben’s tackle whilst he was having a leak

I might listen to Kylie and boogie to Chic

And got a big hard on when Ben did a streak

Running stark bollock naked at the footie last week, him running over the pitch when the Gunners got beat

All of us lads admired the size of his meat

But me, a full time full blown gayboy

Sure I’ve thought about dipping my toe in but never my feet’ 

Growing up with the lads

Acting my lad-self amongst my mates 

Who liked women and I liked men

Still doing things that ‘lads’ do

But me not being straight is what differentiates

Me from them

We all drank beer and played pool in the pub

And then I opened my mouth to speak

 

And my voice, its tone, its hue

Its texture separates 

Me from them

We do not sound the same, my voice creates

an almost immediate reaction

‘You sound like that poof off the telly’ the barmaid commented

I then hated the sound of my own voice

And so I closed my mouth and did not speak

 

This was a time in my life

when I thought sounding camp perpetuates

negative stereotypes straights have of gays

Did my voice give away

My hidden secret I kept at bay

Trying not to divide me from them

Sound manly, act the geezer on my Harley

Hide that in my bedroom, I learnt the language of gay Polari

Be the bloke when I spoke

‘Alright mate’, ‘Alright Dad’

I tried to sound more ‘lad’

When I opened my mouth to speak

 

Years later someone said my voice was lovely 

A voice with an accent that so evidently indicates

my life so clearly

I was born with this voice. I did not have a choice

My voice no longer haunts me, it liberates

It’s no longer me and them

It’s we

And so now I choose to open my mouth

and take pride in its texture when I speak

 

We are all the same, men are just men

So the lads like Benice and I like Ben

I’ve recently liberated my body from years of self-shaming

Now it’s the turn of my voice that I’m firmly reclaiming

And my mannerisms too,

Move aside who finds them too camp and too gay

I’m now reclaiming who I am, this is my reclamation, in every way