Desperate Despair
I am trying to move on
As I’ve realised this time you’re truly gone
But what am I supposed to do
When everything reminds me of you?
Every day, I have been searching
For you, my lonely heart has been yearning
With a pit in my stomach and a lump in my throat
I found your account and now I know
All my suffering has been in vain
My broken heart and all my pain
I’ve remained loyal even though you lied
Now my heart aches through what I have spied
Why can’t I let you go?
You, I wish I had never known
We could not be further apart
And yet, your mark on my heart will always last
I wish I were you and moving on
Making our love dead and gone
How much more pain will I face
When you’ve proved that you’re continuing to chase?
All those women who are not me
And yet, I still long to be
In your arms and by your side
For your heart is where my soul resides
You said I was pathetic but you were wrong
For to watch you date around makes me strong
To suffer in silence and watch you move on
While staying true to you after all that you’ve done
I cannot fathom seeing another
When I thought you would be my last lover
So faithful to a man who doesn’t care
Is what I’ll be while filled with despair
As our soul tie has given you up
For my stomach sunk every time I felt you to touch
The others while I had to feel
All that you felt as their hearts you steal
I’ve dreamt of you every night
While two nights ago I had a fright
When I dreamt of a beautiful brunette with dark liner
Bragging about being with you and telling me about how you found her
When I woke I thought it was just a dream
But one of my prophecies it seems to be
For the first woman I accessed from your page
Wasn’t on private and when I saw her face
She looks just like the woman from my dream
Once again, my guides were trying to get me to see
What you’re doing while you’ve been gone
In a desperate attempt to help me move on
In this dream, I kicked and screamed
Fighting with you, her and fighting with me
As there, I couldn’t control my anger at your betrayal
For I refused to accept that for me, your love has gone stale
But just like I dreamt of your move and the name of the street
I saw that with her is where you will be
Her, them and all the others
That I’m sure your current lover will soon discover
Your profile picture taunts me
The knowing of what you’re doing is haunting me
And all I can do is sit back and watch
As I view your profile and see all that I’ve lost
Yesterday I wrote you a heartfelt poem
Because I was feeling very alone
And in my solitude I found grace
And was able to forgive all of your mistakes
The poem I wrote went like this
“I choose to love you in silence
For in silence, I find no rejection
I choose to love you in loneliness
For in loneliness, no one has you but me
I choose to adore you from a distance
For distance will protect me from your pain
I choose to give you to the wind
For the wind will set you free
And I choose to love you in my dreams
For in my dreams, you never leave”
As all I wanted to do was kiss
Your gentle lips one last time
But now, I know your heart is no longer mine
You have replaced me with all your loves' online
So once again I am filled with pain
Knowing that all of my love has been in vain
For loving someone without a heart
Is something I knew I was doing from the start
I am not angry like I was in my dream
But deep inside I still can’t muffle my screams
Wailing why?! No! How could you?! I loved you so much!
But as you told me, for you I was never enough
Pretty enough, hot enough, smart enough, rich enough
To hear those words from the one you love is just too rough
And after everything, I am no longer so tough
To face the truth of what you’ve said
Your words and memories torture me as I lie in bed
Replaying everything that was said and done in my head
Trying to find where exactly I went wrong
To try and understand what I’ve done
To make you hate me the way you do
When all I wanted was love and to share a life with you
But instead, you chose to run away
Flee from your feelings and choose to stay
In the cold embrace of another
Who doesn’t love you and so you shall suffer
From the regret of what you have done
From my love in which you have run
From the pain you have made me feel
For your freedom, you feared I would steal
But I want you to know if you ever read this
It’s still not too late if you wish to fix things
For your love, I’ll forever wait
In my heart, you’ll always stay
If you’re ashamed to reach out, please have no fear
As my only wish is to have you near.