I’d take a knife and cut it out

like some deep-down infected gout

if only it were there under my skin.

 

I’d prick a vein and let it bleed,

free flowing, nothing to impede

if I thought it were streaming deep within.

 

I’d amputate it bit by bit

til there was nothing left of it,

then throw it piece by piece into the grind.

 

I’d heat a rod to glowing red,

then press and cauterize instead

of letting it live on, but I can’t find

 

just where it is inside in me.

I’ve stared into my eyes to see,

but all the mirror shows are signs of age.

 

I’ve knelt and prayed and tried to hold.

I’ve walked the line while growing old

but somehow, I can never turn the page.

 

And so I guess all I can do:

keep going. I suppose it’s true,

you cannot just give up and let it win.

 

So, I will hide the way I feel

and try to find a way to deal…

with the hidden pain that dwells within.