(It seems to be my lot in life to improve on the works of lesser poets than myself - in this case that loada bollocks by William Webb Ellis. A shameless repost from 2013)

 

I’m being followed by a wheelbarrow

Wheelbarrow, wheelbarrow.

Pulling my chickens in a wheelbarrow,

Wheelbarrow, wheelbarrow.

 

And if tha wond’rin’ “Is it red?”

Please thissen. I’ve not said.

And if you tha wond’rin’ “Is it red?”

Thou’ll have to imagine for thissen;

It’s all inside thi ‘ead.

 

I’m being followed….

 

And if tha thinks it’s got two wheels

Say, one that’s free and one that squeals,

And it tha thinks it’s got two wheels

It’s up to thissen to please thissen

And please thissen what tha feels.

 

I’m being followed…

 

And is it a slow un or else a quick un?

Depends on if it got some bricks in

And is it a slow un or else a quick un?

It’s certainly slower when it’s bricks in

But quickens if it’s just chickens.

 

Aye, t’builders bricks are heavy

But chickens ‘s dead light

T’bricks are sort o’ reddy

While t’chickens they are white.

 

I’m being followed by a wheelbarrow

Wheelbarrow, wheelbarrow.

Pulling my chickens in a wheelbarrow,

Wheelbarrow, wheelbarrow.