To feel the love you never received;

To feel the affection that was given through grating words that come behind a “Im doing this because i care”,

To feel the sorry’s that were ‘paid’ to me, the gifts I had received to understand how ‘sorry’ you were after harming me, physically or verbally and if not, mentally.

 

‘I love you’; an affirmation of affection or deep caring, especially to a family member, or, unheard words?

Or was it seen through the countless nights spent alone in order for bills to be paid, for the limited food provided on the table, the noiseless house as I sit solitary in my room waiting for you to come home or for the empty seat in each and every school event?

 

To say you care about me, but;

You screech at me as I ask for comfort whilst tears run down my face,

You draw attention to the scars on my arm whilst you disgustingly laugh,

You watch me from a distance as I conquer the burdensome responsibilities you carry as a mother myself,

But, you care right?

 

The innumerable days of silence you give me after i make a mistake, begging you to talk to me,

Yet I could forgive you in a heartbeat.

 

Was it the blood dribbling down my skin that finally caught your attention, the endless tears?

Was that enough to give the love I had never received from you? Or did that all frighten you?

 

Through it all, the silence of your presence was the one to bring me comfort, the love I had never received.