GREEN

 

First date.

Instant spark.

Called you

obscenity as

term endearment.

‘Don’t shag,

first date’,

you said.

You let

that kiss

turn snog

linger linger

longer than

any shag

I’d had.

 

Invite you

to my

shows. You

come. I

act dumb

around you.

Like you

just some

bloke I

know. All

I wanted

was you.

Everybody else,

fuck off.

You made

no sense.

How I

loved it.

 

You knew

how to

pull my

strings. You

knowing how

green I

was back

then. Me

like rabbit

killed in

headlights. And

how you

loved it.

 

Running down

centre of

The Strand.

Cars, buses

Beeping, beeping.

Charing Cross

ticket hall.

Rush hour,

fake faint.
You stepped

over me

like I

was piece

of shit.

 

Invited me

to Scala.

My birthday.

I arrive.

See you

dance with

pretty young

fuck boy.

Back home.

Phone sex

came round.

He downed

gin as

he inside

me as

I lay

with pillow

over face.

New date

Luke made

me feel

whole, in

control again

until you

texted out

of the

blue. Made

me act

like first

class twat

to make

him run

far. Told

Luke he

was just

one night

stand shag.

 

Two days

later I

missed how

he made

me feel.

Waiting still

for your

reply. You

never texted

me back.

 

Drunken binge.

Days and

days on

end. Wishing

men’s underwear

left in

my bed

was yours.

 

River Lea

walk. You

went in

for goodbye

kiss. I

do not

reciprocate. Took

you by

surprise. First

time me

showing you

that I

have walls.