Grammar School Guy 

Link to poetry film version: 

https://filmfreeway.com/GRAMMARSCHOOLGUY

During a McDonalds stint, I perfected the art of the squint  
Escaping the gloom in the male changing room
It was late ’94, the first time I saw 
this guy from the grammar school strip to his jock
I thought it rude not to glance what’s under his pants
My eyes couldn’t stop, my eyes were on lock
He had that grammar school voice my co-workers despise 
So given worst job in the kitchen, he was stationed on fries 
Every chance I’d be skipping me on burger flipping
Yet allowed me some spying at Grammar Guy frying 
Getting sweaty whilst cooking, I couldn’t stop looking 
at Grammar School Guy through the flames of my griddle
Just imagine a burger with his meat in the middle  
 
(OVER LOUDSPEAKER): ‘

STAFF ANNOUNCEMENT.  EMPLOYEE 2135, YES. YOU.  CAMPBELL. GO TO THE FREEZER AND GET MORE BURGERS’ 
 
I could easily reach them, but asked Grammar School guy 
‘Hello, those burgers in the freezer are up ever so high
I need some assistance; do you mind coming with me out back?
I need a tall guy like you to reach up high for a stack
When he said yeah and put his apron back on the rack 
My mind started seeing his sexy six pack  
 
Down towards the waste bins, past where they dump all the fat, 
Is the stock room, to escape in, and have a quick nap 
It’s where my friend who works on shakes, we call him McFlurrys Matt 
Caught the manager and the cleaner right in the act 
 
Now alone in the chill room with the frozen burgers and bap
Grammar School Guy was shivering in his McDonalds cap
Almost as sexy as seeing him stripped down to jock strap 
When he reached over a barrel of plastic bubble wrap 
I wanted to give his bubble bottom a slap
As the Irish say, he’s got mighty good crack 
The hard on I got made my flies go snap 
I had him all to myself, him eating out my lap 
Despite my broke fly, I had Grammar Guy on tap  
Then Ronald McDonald stopped me there in my track 
There was his costume hanging up on a rack 
I got over my nerves to pluck up the courage and say 
‘How about you putting it on and we do some roleplay’ 
To my utter amazement, he started stripping right down 
And in a couple of minutes, he was dressed up as the clown
Trying to sound all American, speak all Yank, he told me he’s be Ronald McDonald if I be his little boy Hank 

(OVER LOUDSPEAKER): ‘ ‘STAFF ANNOUNCEMENT. EMPLOYEE TWO ONE THREE FIVE . YES. YOU. CAMPBELL. EMPLOYEE SEVEN NINE EIGHT FOUR. YES. YOU. ANNOYING POSH IDIOT. YOU. GRAMMAR SCHOOL GUY.
REPORT BACK IMMEDIATELY TO THE KITCHEN FLOOR’
 
And so, I said, ‘Thanks, I’ll see you back in the kitchen. I need to go for a crap’ 
And I left with my thoughts, and I think we will leave it at that
 
Me imagining him still in Ronald McDonald disguise 
Us now back in the kitchen, him back stationed on fries 
As I flip burgers with Megan who calls herself ‘Me-gan’
She may flip beef burgers whilst claiming she’s vegan 
‘I do it for the money’ she says, I just grit my teeth’
But Megan that McVegan you’re eating looks like rather like beef