My ills
It's 10.30 in the morning and I'm throwing up on the bathroom floor
Having drowned the person who I was before
All the drinking, drugging, lying, spending
Arriving very early for the doom impending
How did I get here, how did I lose control?
Waking up in fear and pain, drawing my first shot at 4
To stop the shakes and silence the anxiety
Once again becoming a liability in my society
Where did all of my friends go? What's happening to my face?
How quickly can I down this liquor; it's me v me in a fatal race
I cry and I pray,
I try and I fade
From this illness, obsession, insanity, that taunts me from day to day
It's got a hold on me, a grip so tight my head might blow off
A pain so unbearable, I think I'd like an 'end of'
The suffering, the dissapointment, the 'here we are again'..
The brief moments of triumph and hope but still, a lifetime of pain.
The more I gain, the more I lose.
Until I don't feel like trying any more and there's nothing left.
David RL Moore
Mon 10th Jun 2024 12:59
Hi Sia,
Writing like you have created here narrows the field for written responses. The experiences you describe are so personal and distressing that to respond often exposes the respondee to assumptions. It is a tightrope walk in attempting to respond in a way that isn't presumptive or somehow patronising.
If these are indeed the descriptions of personal experiences I hope you find a way through.
I thought of that Churchillian quote, "When you're going through hell, keep going" it doesn't fit quite right as the advise would be to stop and find another path. Alternatively the path away from damaging behaviour can be the hellish one...it is in that instance I would advice you to keep going.
I commend you on sharing this work.
David