** Italics means Polari slang – some translations like ‘nosh’ into English (not ‘food’ in Polari) are too rude to print ** 

 

State school in ‘90’s Britain, near posh boy’s private school

From working class background, those posh boys were so cruel

Laughed at Dad’s Ford Cortina, my Iower class accent

For them a double no-no - being common, being bent

They shouted through the school gates, ‘ YOU DIRTY LITTLE QUEER! ’

Went home and washed my hands with soap to make them disappear

 

Me aged sixteen and naive. Didn’t know then ‘queer’ meant ‘gay’

Thought Nan meant she was Moby Dick, ‘Came over queer’, she’d say

They gave me dirty looks when I became erect

at sight of private school head boy but was that to deflect

not putting out their dirty on washing line to dry?

Whoever’s dirty laundry can’t hide in public eye

 

That film ‘Another Country’, two private schoolboys gay

Still bullied at my state school, but not in the same way

State school and school for posh boys shared playing field for sports

Who knew it be a posh boy first give me dirty thoughts?

State school and school for posh boys shared the same changing room

Me catching a glimpse of posh school Head Boy naked in the changing room

Only before had I seen such a sight on late night BBC2, 1989

Watching alone in my bedroom,

sound mute as to not awaken parents next door

A young Rupert Everett, full frontal, Another Country

Black and white TV could not dilute

the beauty of his manhood

 

Forget ‘Another Country’, in end got upper hand

Speaking in gay Polari, posh boys not understand

For all the years of torture, wiping smirk off his smile,

shouting Polari at him made posh boy run fast mile

 

‘I wouldn’t mind cleaning your kitchen mate!’

‘Nothing like a bit of posh nosh’’

‘You keep bragging about your girlfriend’s foofs

and how much you’ve got a Colin tonight up her beef curtains

Cleaning her cage out

But I’ve seen you vada at me!

Wanting to put on the dish, tip the brandy, tip the velvet, tip the ivy

Seen you through my bins, looking at my bene aris

It’s you wanting to clean my kitchen

and to confirm what you keep telling me,

this little queer’s kitchen is manky’

 

Posh boy be true to queer you, don’t hurt my mental health

You’re only doing the dirty, the dirty upon yourself

Oh gosh, I like some posh nosh, but I will not clean up

my act for no posh boy, I’m proud, me common queer as muck