Boys’ changing room, Dan hid my towel

School bully boy, he not my pal

So, I nicked his, nicked it somehow

He lucky boy, so well endow

The size of it made me go, ‘WOW!’

I knew right then what I’m still now

I’m into boy, not into gal.

 

I fancied Dave off Emmerdale

Made straight things gay. State not allow

gay pics back then, that Tory cow

Thatcher threw men like me in jail

Under her watch, eye of an owl,

made the straight white British dumb male,

hate all things homosexuelle.

 

One day, saw Dan, I raised my brow,

with mate Asif, getting a plough

Dan the convert, took Muslim vow

Hope Asif’s meat, hope it halal!

Bully Dan, ‘holier than thou’,

thought men like me should go to hell

You hypocrite! Hope girfriend Sal

say, ‘Dan, you’re gay!’ and then say, ‘Ciao!’.