Stevie, Gary, Peter and me

Simon, Jude and John times three

Mike, Geoff, Dave and friends

Frank and Denis never did made amends

 

These are all me mates you see

At least that's what they pretended to be

The reality is that they gave me strife 

I'm convinced they all fancied me wife

 

Always planning, plotting, being prudent

Trying to cop off with university students

Never ones to be over cautious

A few beers and they got a bit raucous

 

Then there's Billy, Jimmy and our Don

Kevin, Duncan, Adrian and Ron

Fellow workers at Lancashire Tar

We took it in turns to use the car

 

Like Peter Kay we sort of shared

Not as a car pool but to take a fare

From any old punter who'd pay for a ride

In our own private 'taxi' for money on't side

 

With all good intentions we ferried around

To all sorts of places to make a few pound

The trouble was it wasn't quite kosher

As we had no tax or MOT on't motor

 

One day I took Mrs Bellamy out

She was going to visit her old great aunt 

We went' wrong way on't roundabout 

And all I heard was a blood curdling shout

 

She never made it to see the old lady

And me time in prison is drivin' me crazy!

All I can hope for is a miracle freeing

and wonder which one of me mates

the wife is seeing?

From ‘100 More Reasons for Rhyme’

the new book by ‘Rick Varden