There’s no more boring chore in life

Than to wait behind your wife

While she’s looking for a handbag or a dress

Our Gert had thought I’d lost her

But I’d slipped away to Costa

For a coffee while she shopped at M & S.

 

Since they use a stronger bean

Their Flat White always seems

A tasty and invigorating brew

To be sure to get a seat

To enjoy this leisured treat

Claim your table with your coat – then join the queue.

 

As an ugly lifelong fattie

I’ll select a skinny latte

But others may prefer a richer blend

Their smooth and mellow mocha

Is, for sure, no beta-blocker

(Though Costa Coffee would, no doubt, contend).

 

Their standard cappachino

Goes down sweeter than a vino

And, of course, to drive your car it leaves you free

The range of choices mean

One option’s decaffein

Or different, yet again, a cup of tea.

 

You can take your morning brunch in

Or watch the ladies lunching

(I reckon that I’m far too old to flirt!)

Here comes another crop in

Breaking from their shopping

- Ooh! Bloody Hell! It’s time I found Our Gert.