‘Mad’ Mabel lived with her brother, ‘Red’ Mostravin, the heir to a grand estate, which had seen better days.

He’d left the Army under a cloud – some say he refused to attack striking workers in a time of industrial unrest, and was a devotee of Karl Marx.

His old housekeeper, Mavis, watched him grow up, under the stern rod of his father, General Sir Herbert Halfbreast.

He loved his sister, despite her habit of screaming in the night,
after nightmares filled with ghouls and goblins
she’d read about as a child.

‘The servants’ must not be disturbed.’ Mavis warned her.

But was reminded, ‘There aren’t any, they’ve gone.

'Our father can’t even pay his gambling debts,
and owes money to the bookie, a notorious thug called Harry ‘Hit ’im’ Hylde.’

‘You’re quite right my dear, I forgot, please wake your lazy brother.’

When Mabel saw her older sibling, clad only in long-johns, she stroked his hairy chest, but he protested, ‘Go away, dear sis,
I’m strangely attracted to you, and I know it is wrong.

‘I’ve been reading a book by that fellow Sigmund Freud.

‘According to him, it’s all the fault of our parents, 
restraining our creative personalities.’

‘Where is our beloved father now? 
Living with his mistress in an Indian palace,
which he commandeered, to put down the natives.’

‘Let me read the book!’ Cried his sister, and, 
after a swift read, took off her corset.

After tearing off the restraints of Victorian upper-class society,
she immediately felt her ‘madness’ dissipate, 
then cried with embarrassment.

‘Now, dear brother, do not look at me so.

‘A woman in New York has invented something called a brassiere, to support the bust.

‘I’d like to go there please, and procure said garment.’

‘Alas Mabel, I can’t see how we can, without the necessary funds.

'So I shall ponder this, while wandering around our estate’s wonderful maze.’

‘It ain’t as good as the one at Hampton Court,
but would prove a great attraction, when father goes ahead with his plan,
to let the public view his estate.

‘He’s hoping to make a tidy packet.’

As he strolled Mavis startled him, ‘Young master, 
I heard your conversation with Mabel,
whom you look at with such lust.

‘So, as she has discarded ties of loyalty by throwing away her stifling underwear, I too shall disregard an oath I once swore.’

‘I have a plan to offer her support,
both financially and physically, now she’s lost her corset.

‘If all goes well we can escape your father, and live in the 'Land of the Free’ – it’s described so in the US national anthem, 
and you two can satisfy your mutual lust,
while Mabel can try on the prototype of something called a brassiere.

‘My niece works for the inventor, Mary Phelps Jacob, and can nick one.’

But Monstravin looked impatient, ‘Yes, dear trusted servant, go on.’

‘Brace yourself, for years I’ve held a secret.

‘Your late mother felt lonely, in this crumbling mansion, as your father was always away, campaigning for King and country,
and just our luck, managed to avoid a bullet or stray shell.

‘So, she sought comfort with the village blacksmith, Mickey MacMull,
after watching him chase her horse, which had thrown her while she cantered through the glade of Lover’s Grace, with its stream, Gladly Brook, leading into the hidden pool of Diddly Dell.

'The day was stifling hot, and she was soon enveloped in its cooling embrace, disregarding her riding habit, while Mickey looked on, at this ‘shameful’ woman.

'Embarrassed at what he’d seen, he rode off,
but she couldn’t forget him,
and, as he worked his blacksmith’s forge,
would occasionally peek at him through the steam.

‘From then on their love grew, and you emerged one night, in the stable.’

‘You mean I am a village blacksmith’s son?’

‘Yes, but he, like a typical philanderer, escaped to North America,
and was last heard robbing banks in Texas.’

‘I engaged a Pinkerton detective to find him,
and I have a plan to reunite father and son, 
then save the oh so innocent Mabel,
from an arranged marriage with some vacuous young man,
for the chap she really loves is you.

‘But you must prepare to leave, and avoid the randy old goat.’

‘He’s sent word that he’s returning after the first day of opening to the public, to collect the revenue.’

‘The locals are also getting angry, they've seen you flying the socialist Red Flag, over the Palm House.

‘Don’t worry, he’ll be met by a nasty surprise,
at the hands of his dotty daughter, a disgraced brother, and his much abused housekeeper, Mavis.’

Sure enough, the General arrived in a suit from Saville Row, that he’d procured on credit, beaming at the bustling crowd,
who were now – no doubt tempted by the cheap ale on offer – considerably lighter of pocket.

He hailed the chap manning the turnstile, expecting to find a bag full of coin.

But he was met with, ‘Your daughter came to collect the takings Sir,
and ran off, into the maze.’

He dashed into this hedged area, with its confusing twists and turns,
and took a day to find his way out.

Meanwhile, his two offspring were headed for New York, and from there, the lawless state of Texas.

The newspapers were soon alive with the
escapades of a new outlaw gang, comprising a posh Englishman, his fiancée and former blacksmith, Mickey MacMull, led by an old woman called Mavis.

Despite the best efforts of Scotland Yard, the trail grew cold, much to the chagrin of General Halfbreast.

Many years later, a threesome, bearing a similarity to the above, were seen at a book reading by Dr Sigmund Freud,
who seemed bemused when a young lady gave him a hug.

‘You’ve changed my life,’ she cried.

Then, she dashed off with her new friend,
Mary Phelps Jacob, followed by her brother,
now a Democratic contender for the Senate, and an old lady.

Mary announced, ‘I’ve perfected the bra, so you can return the prototype.

I’ll put it in a museum, along with your corset.
While your brother’s busy politicking, why don’t you model for me?’

‘Only if Mavis can keep house, if it hadn’t been for her, big bruv and I would still be imprisoned in a strait-laced world,
unable to give free rein to our creative urges.’

Mary looked embarrassed, as she asked,
‘Are you and Mostravin an item?

‘For I have urges too, I saw him in his long-johns and am fit to burst.’

At this Mavis interjected, ‘Oh, you are so brazen.

‘Yes they are together.

‘My God, young women in America genuinely are ‘Less restrainied by the mores of society,’ to quoute Sigmund the Austrian.

‘Yes, I should be your housekeeper,
for you need a wise head to watch over you.

‘With one condition – can I have a brassiere, too?’