A quick drive up to Darlington, darling,

Then on to Hartlepool, oh my dear heart

Somehow I drove past Hartburn still feeling

Fine. The north-east wind didn’t make me fart

I’ve been to Bakewell too, enjoyed a tart

Seen man-boobs in Manchester many times

Seen a nice pair in Bristol’s shopping mart

Worn gaberdines in Aberdeen’s wet climes

In Holywell I searched for church bell’s chimes

Broke spokes in Pembroke, September, cycling

Broke more on Dartmoor; my bike fell apart

Seen the Old Bill in Billingham solve crimes

But sod all happened when in Godalming

God, I’ve a girl in Coventry. Let the ride start.

The first four lines are true - I went to all those places today, in my trusty rusty Fiesta. The pic shows the trusty rusty Fiesta in West Belfast (Falls Road) on a previous trip. The rest, however, is sheer nonsense. Did I really need to say that?