When men have a wee in a public loo...

 

Sometimes you're up for it

and playfully direct a strong jet

to move a piece of gum around the bowl

negotiating the gaps between the yellow blocks

 

Then sometimes you're bursting

but you can't go, you get stage fright.

It's even worse when you're hemmed in by two big blokes

and there are no sides to protect your privacy

 

Then they start talking across you

and you're thinking...are they looking?

Comparing sizes possibly?

Will  I come up to spec?

 

And as you are thinking this it shrinks a little.

You still can't go, so you make a finishing noise

stick it back in your trousers, and leave

returning five minutes later when the coast is clear

 

You can't beat a wee at home in privacy.

There's nothing to put you off.

You can go as often as you like

or save it up and have a really long one

 

And if you want to avoid splashing the floor

or if you don't want your wife and guests to hear

you can do what women take for granted

and have a lovely relaxed sit-down wee

 

Ahhhhhhhhhh