In time all things shall be counted and weighed,

yet not until 1798

did Monsieur Pinel, famed breaker of chains

which bound the insane, pause to explain

that there were but 4 mental disorders:

madness had been drawn and quartered

and hung from up above.

 

You might be manic or melancholic,

maybe demented or idiotic;

you could suffer combinations of it -

Monsieur Pinel knew his stuff!

With that absence of equivocation

shrinks use when they talk to patients,

he rose to his exalted station

saying 4 is quite enough.

 

There’s no evidence that hungry punters

disappointed at the dearth of numbers,

manned barricades or raised their voice

to express displeasure at the meagre choice.

What were they thinking of?

 

I’m guessing, but as near as dammit

1 billion souls lived on the planet.

While mankind’s increased about 8-fold

madness has overrun the globe:

400 more mental illnesses

unearthed since Pinel’s premises!

We’re being outraced 100 to 8

by burgeoning insanities.

 

The medicalisation of everyday life

isn’t likely to keep me awake at night –

I never go without my sleeping tablets.

But how many planets shall we require

at some future date, so all may aspire

to their prescribed entitlement of madness?

 

Make that 401.