Validation would be nice,

A kiss, a touch,

Too bad my body 

Makes me squirm,

Too bad the inside's cold and hollow,

So the firmest grasp

Would feel so undeserving,

Unwarranted, indeed unnerving,

I know that I could get what I want,

And it still wouldn't change a thing.

 

- I can't be fixed from the outside.

Cardboard boyfriends melt in the rain.

It's probably good that I know this, 

But it leaves me baffled just the same.

 

I love to do work so hand me the blueprint,

I brought my own tools and safety equipment, 

Color me shocked when my contractor 

Turned out to be an artist.

She replaced my drill with a paintbrush and told me

To paint whatever I wanted.

 

Whatever I wanted?

 

No, no, no,

That's not how this works. 

That’s not how any of this works.

That's never how it has ever once worked.

Whatever I want?

 

          What do I want.

 

Nothing, really, I- I don't want anything,

I want what you want, to keep you from spiraling,

I never once wanted anything in my life,

Wanting’s for bad kids and I place it nice.

Tell me what to paint and I'll make it look perfect, 

With highlights and shadows 

And sharp lines and cursive,

Don't tell me this isn't a puzzle with all the pieces,

Don't tell me the canvas is only as blank as I see it,

Don't tell me there isn't a variable I can solve for,

Don't tell me there's no treasure map hidden behind a trap door,

If satisfaction comes from the colors on your palette, 

From self-assured strokes blending rectitude and talent,

Then I throw up my hands knowing I'll never win this fight.

I'm utterly unequipped with my color-blind sight.