When kacka was born we were one.

A team. A seamless unit. I felt safe.

We could conquer anything - face anyone.

Knowing you were there made me brave.

Made me a fearless and confident mother.

 

But now, I am tired, too tired to even recall how I wasn't tired then.

Now I am hurting in all different places and don't feel safe. I feel like I am always falling.

Every day, falling, tripping, somehow, some way.

You are here this time too, now kacki is here.

But it's different - now you stand still and watch and judge and sometimes nudge from the sidelines. So I fall again. And again and again.

 

I keep falling and am covered in burnout bruises.

And you stand still. Sometimes scratching your head at me and sometimes with your eyes closed.

Now I want to be somewhere else. I don't feel safe here anymore and I want to escape.

With kacka and kacki - they own me now in ways I cannot describe.

But away from here where I'm not safe. Not supported. Always tired. Always falling.