Percy Plaice was a sage old fish, who loved to admire Blackpool’s scantily-clad women, from a rock in The Irish Sea,
until a plastic bag obscured his vision.

Alas, it contained several bottles of cider,
and I’m afraid to say he became quite pissed.

Flapping his tail, he sang about his lost love, Mary the Dolphin,
who had left him, tired of his love of alochol.

He remembered Mary as a shy girl, who would suck
a loaf of bread thrown by a lonely woman called Gladys.
who’d once danced under that high metal edifice, Blackpool Tower,
modelled on a higher one in the French capital of Paris.

Then Percy, shedding a tear, read a book of fairy tales he’d found
tossed into the sea by Tina Tunafish, a disenchanted teenager,
who’d vowed to stop drinking bottles of cider,
and was sulking after being scolded for tossing a bag of such items,
into the sea, by her teacher, Herbert Halibut, whom she had just run away with.

He was alacking in morality, and where women were
concerned was considered a right fool, 
but was a fervent environmentalist, and had just discovered a
new species of marine life, he called a sea-weed spider, off the coast of Blackpool.

By sheer coincidence, Herb recently filed for divorce, from none other than Gladys.

Then to Percy’s great delight, his lost love Mary the Dophin appeared, 
saying ‘Hi my dear, I’m back, I’ve been holidaying on the Dingle Peninsular,
off the Irish coast, with my old flame, Fungie, but he’s got too big for himself,
as he’s feted by tourists, and loves to boast.’

They kissed and fondled, he with his snout and she with her tail,
and were delighted to be joined by Gladys,
who listened with great interest as Mary told them about
her recent trip to the Emerald Isle.

‘Oh, I’ve always wanted to go to there,’ she exclaimed,
‘my mother was from Cork, known as a soothsayer,
and I believe I’ve inherited her gift, and she was also bloody good on the harp.

‘Can I come with you, back to discover my roots, and forget my ex-hubbie Herbert?’

‘Besides, I predict if you fishy folk stay here, you’ll end up covered in greasy batter,
and you must, Harry, give up the booze.’

So off  they went, Gladys charging a Euro for readings,
under the watchful eye of Percy, that sage old fish.
However, they were spotted by Herbert and his new love, Tina,
who’d inisted on him taking her on another luxury cruise.

They were as usual, as new loves will, arguing fit to burst, 
but spotting them, Gladys called out, ‘Hi Herb, I’ve forgiven you,
for I’ve found contentment, which I never had as your wife,
constantly waiting for you to return from your latest girl,
and am glad to be once again single.

‘Do not let your heart be filled with resentment,
for I’m happy here off the Dingle, with these fine examples of marine life.

This scene was observed by Sally the sea-weed spider, who,
being rather deaf, was unaware of her pal the dolphin’s insistence that Percy stay sober,
and had swum out to grab a plastic bag, tossed by Tina Tunafish, 
containing you guessed it, bottles of cider, quickly consumed by a thirsty plaice.

An hour later, Mary and Percy were, like the couple on the ship, arguing,
with her shouting, ‘Percy, you are a waste of space!’