Burnt Chips
I awoke in pure terror
The echoes of alarm, still present.
Another wasted day.
The thud of the door.
A crow tapping on the window.
Was enough to make me cry.
These incidents added relish to a rather dull day.
Note: No profile exists for this entry - most likely it was deleted.
Comments
<Deleted User> (4744)
Thu 19th Jun 2008 15:19
Not bad at all Sean. I probably would not of ended the sentance at the end of line 5 and dropped "that" from the start of line 6, just to tighten it up a bit. In short poems every word, I feel, has to fight beak and claw for it's place. Keep it going!
<Deleted User> (5984)
Mon 2nd Jun 2008 22:17
This is a very intriguing poem Sean...it somehow leaves me wanting to read more...
Mel
x
<Deleted User> (4281)
Sun 1st Jun 2008 18:18
HI, Sean
In a few lines, you have a great story. It shows that you are talented with words.
Keep up the great job!
Thank you,
Zuzanna
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<Deleted User> (4744)
Thu 19th Jun 2008 16:33
Nicely edited .... is there anywhere else that you think it could be trimmed? ... just ideas of course. You could ignore me with extreme prejudice. After all, it's your work and it's a blog and not in the review discussion section.