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Where The Paper Falls.

Whispers of grey synthesize and lanterns disentangle; the light forms and loses disperate people. 

They looked like bees, moving in and out; furraging futile in a bedrock and fax paper porridge.

 

The floor - where was the floor? Ten thousand hands, athritis and athrimatic , cup the sound of sirens.

When lines were cut, the paper towered down, and for all of you there -we shaped a parachute.

 

The sky peeked through our fingers, burnt eyelash and itch -a rapid paper boy, and the backs of our throats, exhausted.

Words were unemployed, and all we could cry was “Water?”

 

Water for the static, heaped under paper cuts, the radio that fainted,

and the paramedic.

 

Your voice, a word , where the steel skims the horizon harsh -

 a medic for a war; rising from the cinders, a paper dove.

 

◄ The Courage Pattern

Bite the Bullet ►

Comments

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Marianne Louise Daniels

Fri 17th Sep 2010 05:59

i watched a documentary about 9/11. it was made up of amateur footage from various different angles and distance and in every image, the office paper seemed to take a haunted presence; pirouhetting desperately through the air and swamping the ground. these images were accompanied by some of the firefighter, policemen, paramedics etc radio exchanges. I got lost in all the paper.
I shall think over the aliteration. thanks for considered comment. take care.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 16th Sep 2010 20:16

I don't actually understand the whole intent of the poem yet (still working on it), but from a cadence point of view, and realizing the potential weakness sometimes incurred by too much alliteration, if you really want the avalanche of 'SSSZZZZSHSHSHSH' sounds at the end of the penultimate line, I would take out 'that we have written down'. Since the insert seems very important, could you incorporate it into a final single line? But you would lose 'a paper dove' as the last thought. Maybe these two thoughts could work together.







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Marianne Louise Daniels

Wed 15th Sep 2010 12:02

reading this out loud, do the last two lines sound like a clumsy ending?

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