I will tell my heirs she pushed a note through my letter box

that was printed on A4 using Good Times font and a bold typeface.

I sent my reply

 

by email, Twitter, Facebook, text, newsletter, carrier pigeon, courier,

by post, piece of paper from a pizza menu, my grandmother’s spirit,

by diplomatic bag, phone, Morse, Parcelforce, blog, videotape, letter,

by inserting a frame in her favourite film, “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”,

 

by the lyrics in the Christmas Number One, road sign outside her house,

by a paper boat, photo, satellite, cable, card with two hearts on the cover,

by ouija board, automatic writing, illuminated sign, cave painting, seance,

by voucher (redeemable in person only), fax, free mobile app, prayer,

 

by spam, classified advert in the local paper, loud-hailer, MP3, telepathy,

by talking dog, radio, aliens (illegal and space), Wikipedia, teleportation

by ringtone, bottle, sky writing, guardian angel, the Governor of Tennessee,

by substitution cipher (she has the decoder ring), founding a new religion,

 

by whistling, semaphore, walkie-talkie, smoke signals, map, a picture,

by flag, sign language, Sanskrit, business card, mathematical notation,

by a TV show that displays texts on screen, drums, Braille, metaphor

by interpretative dance, Latin, a YouTube clip, pony express, algorithm,

 

as well as scrawling underneath her Good Times font and bold typeface

and posting through her letterbox my reply

which consisted of the single word ditto